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Atlantic City, NJ, USA

November 1, 2021

8.5

The Doctor

Atlantic City is great in the summertime when the mostly Italian residents of nearby Philadelphia head over here on the weekends to sunbathe on the beach during the day and party at night. The beaches aren't that great, but who cares.

The casinos here are as good as in Vegas or Monaco, and are usually full of beautiful people. Donald Trump and the Italian Mafia run all of them. Check out Trump's former jewel, the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino (previously known as then Taj Mahal), and play some blackjack. If you don't win, at least you'll drink for free and hopefully get some comps to ease the hurt of losing some potential party money.

The two best clubs here on the summer weekends are by far Boogie Nights on Boardwalk and The Pool After Dark just outside the city. They are more or less like the clubs in Philadelphia, just with freshly tanned bodies in less clothing.

Be careful with the cops in this town, they are unpredictable at times and will hassle you for seemingly no good reason. Apparently, nobody has bothered to tell them that they're patrolling the Sodom and Gomorrah of the East Coast, replete with hookers, pimps, gangsters, and muggers. But God forbid you toss the last bite of your hot dog on the Boardwalk. Just be careful, or you'll be wishing you had a Monopoly "Get out of Jail Free" card.

Las Vegas, NV, USA

November 10, 2021

9

The Doctor

Las Vegas is incredible. Even more so than New York, this city is awake and alive all night, every night. Anything goes. The casinos, clubs, and strip clubs here are fantastic if you've got the cash to blow.

The weekend crowd is totally different than the weekday crowd.  During the week, Vegas is full of conventioners and families on vacation from all over the world. On the weekends (especially during July and August) there are tons of revelers pouring in from all over the USA. The crowd totally changes to 20-30 somethings out to get their proverbial drink on and have a good time.

The best places to stay are The Palms and Hard Rock Hotels. Here you'll find people in the age group that you want, along with gorgeous waitresses and bartenders. The Palms actually hire hot girls just to hang around at the bars, lounges, and common areas for decoration, so if you see super hot chicks that don’t seem like they belong, it’s probably because they are working.

You can find many other hotels on Las Vegas and Paradise Blvd.'s. These hotels are monumental and have one cheesy attraction or another: Egyptian pyramids, huge water parks with dolphins, volcanoes, pirates, rain forests, and Medieval castles. As you walk or drive down the strip, you'll see them all.

There are plenty of places to party in this city. Every major hotel has clubs. The best are the Moon, Ghost Bar, and Mint at the Palms Hotel and Casino, Body English at the Hard Rock, Pure at Ceasar’s, and XS at Encore. XS is hot right now. If you want to go, get there early and get bottle service.  But beware: especially on the weekends, the drunks here are plenty and annoying as hell.

There are TONS of bachelorette parties here, but these girls are tough to get with because they all guard each other.

For the hottest blackjack dealers ever, head to the Playboy Club at the Palms. They rotate the girls constantly. The Blue Martini here is good. They have their usual plethora of beautiful girls in corsets and hot pants serving you.

For a change of pace, the 1st Friday of every month, many of the locals head to the bars on Freemont Street - the old downtown Las Vegas. Everything is cheesier there though. Everything from bad imitation bands to bad Elvis impersonators about here. Not the crowd you generally want to hang out with on any other day of the month - trust me. Not even the cheaper hotel prices, cheap drinks, and cheesy light shows here would keep me around. All the big hotels also have a decent pool scene.

The hottest girls in Vegas are always the girls who are working - not the girls in from out of town. The best work at night and on the weekends. They usually moved here on a whim and found the same kind of work that every hot girl can find in Vegas - waitressing and bartending. You have got to learn how to hit on these girls. 

Rehab on Sundays at the Hard Rock and the pool at the Palms on Saturdays are good. Sometimes they even have models there for your entertainment. They are usually strippers who come during the day in some smokin’ hot outfits showing off their best assets.

Here’s a hint: keep your room keys on your visits. Many clubs have preferential lines for hotel guests and many of the pools are only for guests. Flashing the hotel room keys will help you save time and aggravation if you are trying to hop around and check out various locations.

Caesar's Palace and the Venetian have the best shopping and dining options and there are always pretty ladies out there in force. The Fashion Show Mall is the place to be in the mid-late afternoons to find girls. The female staff at places like the Guess, Amber Crombie, and Fitch tend to be friendly and fine.

When you come, bring PLENTY of cash and some worthy wingmen!  The girls come here in droves - huge groups, so you need to attack them in groups. Running up solo to a group of freshly tanned hotties dressed to the nines from out of town who are in Vegas to party is NOT for the faint of heart. You will find yourself in elevators with a dozen women in high heels and dresses heading out for the evening.  Being in that situation is just priceless, but you have to have the balls to roll.

The strip clubs here are legendary.  They will oftentimes provide transportation for you free of charge, so call ahead.  If you get to know the managers, they may also comp your door fee, which can be outrageous.  The best quality ones are The Spearment Rhino (door fee $50 which includes your first 2 drinks), Sapphire (door fee $30 and includes your first drink), Treasures, Seamless, and Ricks. BE CAREFUL! The working girls here are career strippers, most of whom fly in specifically to work. They are vultures - jaded and angry at the world. Nothing impresses them; they have seen and heard it all. I like to stick to the newbies. They are way more fun and open-minded. The ones who actually live in Vegas are worse. Don’t get played and go spending money unless you are going to get what you want - whatever that is.

There are several things to be aware of here. First, if you are going to gamble (which is stupid unless you are trying to impress a chick), play blackjack or poker, or if you're really cheesy, play war. These are the only games you have any chance at winning. Don’t be a punk and lose all your money. Second, taxi lines here are insane! Give yourself plenty of time to get from place to place in this city. If you get sick of Vegas, head to the suburbs or Summerland or Henderson. 

Philadelphia, PA, USA

November 11, 2021

8.5

The Doctor

Philadelphia is where the thirteen colonies ratified the Declaration of Independence and freed themselves from British rule. Maybe they knew what we do about English girls! This city is very Italian. Your competition is sporting a big-ass, cheesy gold chain, a tank top, tanning salon complexion, complete with well-moussed hair and dark jacket. I know, because a lot of my best friends are Italian, and I've seen them this way, despite all my teasing and prodding them in the direction of good taste.

The nightlife here is great though, and there are always some stunning women in the bars and clubs. These places are typical meat markets and are no place for the timid, so adjust your game accordingly and do your best to set yourself apart. That is best accomplished by walking upright, having a high school diploma, no criminal record, and driving anything other than a Camaro. Oh, and a suit would help.

During the day, if you are in the mood to check out the girls in Philly, head to University City (which looks more like a prison than a city), the home of some not-so-bad-looking girls at Drexel.

On the weekends, the places to be in Philadelphia are in and around South Street and Christopher Columbus Boulevard (called Delaware Avenue by the locals). Try Cafe Limbo and Mako's on South Street or Gothum, Spring Garden, and Rock Lobster on Christopher Columbus Blvd. Alternatively, head to the Irish Pub on Walnut St. and 20th, Trocadero on Arch Street, Xero on 4th Street, 111 on Chesnut and 3rd, Shampoo and the Bank on 8th.

Take note: the Italian girls here dress well and like to be spoiled by the men they meet while out on the town. You've got to open the wallet a little.

If you have access to a car or know someone with a ride, head just outside of Philadelphia to the Manayunk area and the River Deck Cafe for happy-hour late in the workweek.

Denver, CO, USA

November 8, 2021

9

The Doctor

For you outdoor-lovin' guys in search of some outdoor-lovin' girls, head to Colorado. Denver sits a mile above sea level in the shadow of the Rocky Mountains, so the alcohol you drink may have a more pronounced effect when you are first exposed to the atmosphere up here. The air is as thin as the women, as Colorado is the "most fit" state in the US.

The girls here tend to have great attitudes, eat right, work out constantly and really care about their bodies. There are also a lot of Native American and Mexican women up here, many of whom are partially of Scandinavian descent, which makes for some beautiful women that call this area home.

The best places to hang out in Denver on the weekend when in search of the few local girls that you can't find in the mountains are the I Beam on Larimer Street, Wynkoop, the Chophouse, Enotaca, and Catacombs on 13th and Spruce.

The best strip club in the city is probably Cheerleaders. Just try to avoid a confrontation with that 6'5" biker with an attitude blowing smoke in your face. Avoid the "Cheerleader Beer" that is made on the premises and which comes in blonde, brunette, or red-head flavors, unless you want to puke up the elk and buffalo you had for dinner.

Kyiv, Ukraine

November 10, 2021

9

The Doctor

What can I say about this country? WOW! The most beautiful women I have ever seen in my life live here. Let me say that again. The most beautiful women I have ever seen in my life live in Ukraine. I have no idea what they feed the women here, but whatever it is, we need to figure out how to bottle and sell it. I literally was falling in love every 30 seconds walking around the capital of Kyiv or the beach town of Odessa.

One problem though - they are typically NOT friendly. This country existed behind the “Iron Curtain” for decades and as such, they are very wary of strangers, foreigners, and people that they don’t know in general. If you don’t speak Russian or Ukrainian, you may be shit out of luck. The girls by the Universities sometimes do speak English, and English is becoming more and more common, but it still can be difficult.

One thing I really love about Ukraine is that the women here really put their best foot forward at all times. They may not be very wealthy, but they are stylish. They may only have two nice dresses or outfits and one nice pair of high heels, but they will wear them every day, wash them that night and wear them again the next day. There isn’t a bad tattoo, bad piercing, or ragged pair of jeans and a sweatshirt anywhere within a thousand miles of this place. All self-respecting Ukrainian women are in high heels and dresses, with perfect hair and makeup, every damn day. It’s just awesome.

This country is hella cold and grey most of the year, so go in the spring or summer when the girls are out and about and in better moods because of the weather. 

Odessa
Odessa in the summertime is a must. There is a promenade by the Black Sea lined with bars and clubs, my favorite of which is called Ibiza. I am telling you that from Wednesday through Saturday, it is as good or better than Miami when I lived there in the heydays from 2000 to 2003. Unbelievable, outrageous, incredible are the only words I can use to describe it, BUT you are going to have challenges communicating so BE PERSISTENT! Like the Russian girls, the women expect you to be a man. If you like a girl, try, try and try again to see if she will eventually give you the time of day. 

Surrounding Countries
For a little change of pace from the more westernized countries of Eastern Europe try the rest of this area of the world, which is less traveled by foreigners. Polish women are gorgeous and Poznan, the college town equivalent of Austin, TX, is full of them. Early September each year the place is packed with newbies looking for new boyfriends. Bratislava in Slovakia anytime of year is good. Maribor is Slovakia’s Gainesville, FL. Just awesome. Zagreb in Croatia is worth a look-see, but Latvia may be better. Lavian and Lithuanian men are sparse as compared to other areas of Eastern Europe, due to war, so the ratios are always excellent. Finally, Romania is rumored to be the second easiest place in Eastern Europe to get laid - just after Russia.

Barcelona, Spain

November 1, 2021

9.5

The Doctor

Barcelona is another Spanish city that just rocks. It's situated in the Northeast of the Iberian Peninsula in a region of Spain called Catatonia. The advantage this city has over other big cities in Spain is that it has a beach. Now it's not a really beautiful beach, but a beach nonetheless. This means that in addition to the great nightlife typical of other Spanish cities, there are tons of beautiful Spanish girls sunbathing on the shores of the city on warm summer days. After experiencing a day at the beach in Barcelona, I dare any country, except maybe the United States, to claim that its women are more attractive than the Catalonians.

In the summertime, definitely head to the beach during the day to flirt with the ladies. Spanish is understood, although of course, they prefer speaking Catalan.

The best places to go early night in Barcelona can be found in a variety of places on Las Ramblas, Barri Gotic, the Placa Reial, Placa Catalunya, Cuitat Vella, and Port Olympic. They are all lined with pubs and bars and tons of people. Check out Districo Maritimo on Moll de la Fusta, Pachito in Puerto Olympic, Polyester on Estacio de Franca, Flat Cat on Calle Teodora la Madrid, Partycular on Auda Tibidabo, El Otro on Calle Valencia, Cafe Zurich on Placa Catalunya, Cafe de 1' Opera on Las Rablas and On/Off on Cami de la Fuxarda.

The best discotecas in the city include New York on Calle Escudellers, La Linea 6,25 on Calle Enric Grandees, Nits on Placa Joan Llongueres, Otto Zutz Club on Calle Lincoln, Apolo on Calle Nov de Rambla, and Karma in Placa Reial. Don't bother going out before 2 am and beware of the club employees, especially the bouncers who guard the entrances, who have attitudes that put the Madrid security to shame.

Some helpful hints on how to get into a club in Barcelona hassle-free: dress well, go with a group (preferably one which includes women) and go with someone who speaks Catalan. If you are not a local, they'll know it and possibly charge you a higher cover charge and price for drinks. Apparently, some Spaniards still recall Charles Barkley's nasty display at the '92 Summer Olympics in Barcelona, and no "les gustan los ugly Americanos!" Do your best to deal calmly with any situations that arise.

Barcelona is also big on warehouse parties and carpas, outdoor parties under tents in a wide-open space somewhere. You definitely have to ask a local about these, their dates, and locations. El Submari on Calle Fernando Poo and Firestiu on Placa de 1' Univers are where they have been held in the past. They are definitely very popular, so if the word is that all the locals are headed there on a certain night, check it out.

If you do only one touristy thing while you're in Spain, let it be a visit to Montjuïc (Mountain of the Jews), where the 1992 Olympic Games were held.