November 1, 2021
Atlantic City is great in the summertime when the mostly Italian residents of nearby Philadelphia head over here on the weekends to sunbathe on the beach during the day and party at night. The beaches aren't that great, but who cares.
The casinos here are as good as in Vegas or Monaco, and are usually full of beautiful people. Donald Trump and the Italian Mafia run all of them. Check out Trump's former jewel, the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino (previously known as then Taj Mahal), and play some blackjack. If you don't win, at least you'll drink for free and hopefully get some comps to ease the hurt of losing some potential party money.
The two best clubs here on the summer weekends are by far Boogie Nights on Boardwalk and The Pool After Dark just outside the city. They are more or less like the clubs in Philadelphia, just with freshly tanned bodies in less clothing.
Be careful with the cops in this town, they are unpredictable at times and will hassle you for seemingly no good reason. Apparently, nobody has bothered to tell them that they're patrolling the Sodom and Gomorrah of the East Coast, replete with hookers, pimps, gangsters, and muggers. But God forbid you toss the last bite of your hot dog on the Boardwalk. Just be careful, or you'll be wishing you had a Monopoly "Get out of Jail Free" card.
A lot of you may consider making road trips to Baltimore, Maryland, or even Old Town, Virginia, both known for being big bar towns. It's true the beer may be good, but the ratio, quantity, and quality of the dating pool sometimes are not.
Water Street is the place to hang out in Baltimore early on Friday nights when it's warm outside. Basically it's an outdoor pavilion surrounded by bars on both sides. A lot of professionals and college students come here after a long week to get a jump on the weekend.
While drinking on Water Street one night, my buddies and I ran into a girl who went to school at nearby Loyola College - a great place to meet beautiful coeds by the way. She was outrageous - half-Venezuelan and half-Syrian - and her name was Gigi. As I was talking to her, she was approached by this guy who looked like something you might see on display as the "missing link" in the Museum of Natural History. It was her boyfriend, Joe, who was so ugly, I swore he had to be missing 3 pairs of the usual set of 23 human chromosomes. My hero that night was a Neanderthal that we dubbed "Joe 20". I guess sometimes the sun even shines on a dog's ass, you lucky bastard.
If you're in Baltimore between Wednesday and a Saturday, head ten minutes North to Towson, Maryland. Towson State University and Loyola University are great places to wander in search of beautiful girls during the day. These two schools also stock the bars on York Avenue and Joppa Road with great-looking women. Gators and Murphy's on York Road are overflowing with hot coeds, especially midweek.
Late week, the best bars are a little further up the road. Head to the Crease and the Charles Village Pub on the corners of York Road and Joppa Road to hang with the girls from Towson State.
On the weekends head to Fells Point, a bar town on the corners of Eastern Ave and Broadway in South Baltimore, if you are in the mood to do some work. Bohagers, 723, Moby's, Greene Turtle, and Rodo's are the best bars and clubs here, along with Bay Cafe on Boston Street on Sunday afternoons, when it's warm outside. When it gets late on Friday and Saturday nights, check out Club 1722 on Joppa Road, the after-hours club in Towson.
Seattle is a great place if you are into chicks who drink coffee, dig rainy weather, and are into alt-rock. This is a very young and alternative city that spawned groups like Nirvana and Pearl Jam back in the day. It rains 270 days of the year here which is quite depressing. Seattle is where grunge was born, which means nobody dresses well and are pierced and tatted. Seattle is the home of Microsoft and Boeing, so the city is practically overrun with computer geeks and engineering nerds. You can probably convince a lot of girls to go out with you if you just pretend to be a rich Microsoft exec. Your next best bet is to pierce your nose, get a visible tattoo and carry around a guitar.
At least the University of Washington keeps the coeds in supply year-round. They can be found on University Way and its side streets, the Queen Anne neighborhood, and Pioneer Square.
Dream Girls is the best strip club in town.
A kicker bar called Cow Girls is kind of a knock-off of Coyote Ugly, with cute girls in Daisy Duke shorts dancing on tables. It's hard to talk to them though as they go through their routines. At least they're decent to look at while they short-pour your overpriced drinks.
If you get tired of mediocre waitresses ignoring your drink order to finish their dance routines, head to Trinity and the Last Supper Club in Pioneer Square. The closest thing to real action in Seattle is the L. A.-wannabe nightclubs in Belltown: Amber, Frontier Room, Cellars, and Belltown Billiards. Surprisingly, there are plenty of hot women to be found in these places but don’t bother coming on any night other than Friday or Saturday. Don't be fooled by the fresh tans, they're really not from LA. The tanning salons do a thriving business here since it rains so much. Sometimes you'll find some Canadians coming down on the weekends to party, and they're usually pretty cool.
The Hooters over by Chandlers Cove is interesting if you are into that sort of thing. Right next door is Joey's, which generally has hot waitresses and decent food with a view of the Cove. If you snag one of the waitresses, take her to the Citrus Club around the corner from Joey's. If it's really late, head to 13 Coins Restaurant, which has good food and is open 24/7, making it a mad house after the bars and clubs close.
For a change of pace, go to the Westlake Center during the day. In this downtown shopping district, you will find pretty women, with no tats or piercing and dressed well. All the typical stores and chain restaurants are there. Go after school or work during the week and on the weekends and you won't be disappointed.
Palm Springs is the big spring break hangout in California. It's out in the middle of nowhere, but it's fun as hell. There obviously aren't any beaches, but they have something almost as good: beautiful girls poolside.
The hotels here are huge and offer spring break packages at special discounts. It's very easy to meet chicks who are staying at your hotel because it's really obvious who the students are and who the older, rich folk are.
The main street downtown is packed on nights when spring breakers are in town. The crowd is much smaller and much less hedonistic than other spring break spots, but there are beautiful women. Most of the female students who come here to party tend to be of the wealthy, stuck-up, LA variety.
Don't miss out on visiting Santa Barbara just north of LA. It's fun and packed with beautiful women from all over California. Santa Barbara, along with nearby Malibu, is where Baywatch was filmed, to give you an idea of what you're working with.
During the academic year, it's packed with gorgeous college girls. In the summertime, the less pretentious Californians come here on the weekends to get away from LA.
Santa Barbara is probably my favorite city in the US because it reminds me of the Basque country in Europe. There's a big university - the University of California at Santa Barbara out on La Isla Vista, which should be named La Isla de Chica Finita; a great nightlife, which centers in and around State Street; and beautiful girls. Half of the girls I saw on the campus of UCSB or out on State Street from Thursday through Saturday night turned my head. On top of all that, the beach on La Isla Vista is packed with UCSB girls when it's hot outside.
I went to a fraternity party on campus here one year and I almost didn't leave. Going to Harvard was definitely not worth missing out on fours years of this. And oh, did I mention? If you think the girls at UCSB were hot, take a walk over to Santa Barbara City College just off of Shoreline Beach by State Street. The girls who were too hot and not bright enough to get into UCSB are all here. Santa Barbara gets the best GDF score in the US!
San Diego is an awesome city. There are tons of beautiful girls here - Playbody is constantly at the local universities recruiting girls to do pictorials for college editions. The bad news is the girls in San Diego tend to date the same guy for years, which can be incredibly frustrating (unless you're him). They don't even go out all that often and give the rest of us a chance. It's not like there's a paucity of bars and clubs, either. San Diego is just one of those places inhabited by a bunch of early-to-bed, early-to-rise kind of people - except on the weekends.
Pacific Beach and Mission Beach are the collegiate, surfer, and military hangouts. La Jolla (pronounced La Hoya, for those of you who flunked high school Spanish and don't want to make an ass out of yourself) is wealthier and boring, but beautiful. Downtown is where it's at, and therefore where you should be! The Gas Lamp District downtown is freakin' awesome. It's and just a short taxi ride from the airport. Stay at the Hard Rock Hotel or the W Hotel - that is where all the beautiful people go.
Girls at the clubs here are similar quality to the ones in LA, but way less pretentious and easily approachable. Look good and dress well down here. Most everyone is fashion conscious since Hollywood is just up the road.
Stingaree, Fleetwood, Basic, La Puerta, Side Bar, and Fluxx are some of my favorite places to meet the ladies. Not sure where to go or what's hot? Just walk up and down Market, G, and F Streets and follow the noise and you will be fine. Check out the Hooters down here. Usually, there's some pretty decent talent.
Pacific Beach, referred affectionately as "PB" by the locals is a perfect place for you to practice your game. The most action in PB is on Garnet. Two huge bars dominate the scene - PB Bar and Grill and Typhoon Saloon. Get there early or be prepared to wait in line. Fred's Mexican Cafe is next door to the Typhoon if you're looking for some decent Mexican food. Check out Bob's Dive, Sinbad Cafe (which is a hooka bar that attracts groups of hot girls), or Cabo Cantina. Tavern on the Beach and Plum Crazy usually has hot girls inside, so it might be worth your time. Society is a billiards place to chill after you have met the cutie you've been looking for. Finally, Millers Field is a cool sports bar filled with girls who are way laid back and cool.
During the day, hang out on the campus of SDSU and check out the boardwalks of Mission and Pacific Beaches after 5:00 pm when the babes come out to work out. Run, bike, or rollerblade and be bold in your approach. The boardwalk is not a place for the shy and timid, it's quite difficult to strike up a conversation with someone who's riding a bike past you! Mouse's on Mission Beach offers a nice vantage point to plan your approach.
Come nighttime on Mission Beach, check out Club Tremors on Garnet and Club Sevilla. There are usually some good-looking women out and about at these places. Be careful: a lot of the women here have military boyfriends or husbands, as there is a huge US Navy base close by. You may have your wrap rudely interrupted by a pissed-off, testosterone-filled soldier who's ready to kick your ass. You may run across a "West Pac Widow", which is a wife of a navy man who is overseas for months at a time in the South Pacific. I tend to avoid the West Pac Widows - it's bad karma to try to get with a soldier's wife.
Another good thing about San Diego is that Tijuana, Mexico is just south of here. There is some serious partying that goes on across the border. The party-goers tend to be kids from San Diego who are under the US legal drinking age and are very intent on taking advantage of the fact that in Mexico if you are old enough to walk (even if you're already drunk), you are old enough to buy alcohol. But beware - don't give money to all the little kids with dirt-smudged, adorable faces selling gum or candy. Unknowing tourists can't help but shove money at them. They make a killing. Don't believe me? Watch one of those little con artists for 15 minutes and see how much money they rake in, it's incredible.
Drunk partiers who piss off Mexican police or bar proprietors have been known to get their asses tossed in jail without trial and have to pay ridiculous bribes to city officials to get out, so be careful down here! Worse yet, if you look at all Mexican you will get a load of shit when you try to come back into the United States, I guarantee it. The border police are dumb as shit, and they like to act like badasses and mess with all the returning party-goers. Don't give them a reason to mess with you. Don't give them the satisfaction. Believe me. I speak from personal experience.
I remember the time I went to Tijuana with my buddies. Being a darkie, I was paranoid that I was going to get harassed by the border patrol when I tried to get back into the country. Sure enough, even after seeing my passport, my license, and my medical school ID, they still brought me to stand before the man, as my buddies (and my brother who looks just like me) were waved through with a nod. I was accused of trying to smuggle steroids into the country and was invasively patted down. When I protested my terrible treatment, as I was leaving the agent said "I am the US border patrol. I can go inside you if I want." Now that's a God complex. Needless to say, I was out of there in a hurry and promised myself that I had just made my last trip to Tijuana. It totally wasn't worth the danger and the hassle.
San Marcos, Texas, Home of Texas State University. This used to be a teaching college back in the day, with an obviously disproportionately high female student population. Now it's a big-time party school with their own football team and a downtown square that may soon rival their Austin neighbors.
Bar 141 above Bar Fish is a crazy fun dance club full of TSU girls. Harbors, Shaun Patricks, Zelios, Taxis, Showdown, Vodka Street, Tap Room, and Treff's Tavern are all good from Thursday through Saturday night. Hopefully, you'll find a gaggle of sorority girls all dressed to the nines and you can work your best game.
I once went to visit my buddy here when he attended TSU as a freshman. I walked into his room and he was playing video games. Through the half-open door, I saw half-naked coeds prancing around the hallways and I just about fell over. "Are you insane?" I asked him - get your ass out there! as I smashed the video consul on the floor. Needless to say, that boy got an education that day!