September 27, 2021
Fly into the Branson Airport if you can. It’s the only privately owned commercial airport in the USA and as such, its pretty cool looking. But this place is one of the cheesiest places I’ve evern been to in my life. If you don’t believe me, cruz down Route 76 through downtown Branson to see what your life will be like when you have a family and when you retire and have nothing to do. Cheesy restaurants, theme bars and shows line the street. Dinner and drinks at Chateau on the Lake will get you so runkled—I can’t even keep the smile off of my face.
Damn! This place is full of lots of rich, white people. When you fly in on your commercial flight, check out the sea of the private jets lining the run ways. It’s expensive to fly here. It’s expensive to stay here. It’s expensive to live here. It’s expensive to ski and snowboard here. It’s expensive to eat here. It’s expensive to drink here. And that’s the way the people here like to keep it—rich, white and exclusive. There nothing to do during the day but hit the slopes where if you are super lucky, you may meet some Y on the mountain or on the ski lift. As an alternative you can hit up La Creperie Du Village for lunch or Ajax Tavern at the base of Aspen Mountain.
At Ajax you may see some hot cougars up here 7900 feet above sea level, where the alcohol hits them harder—vacationing with their ex-husband's money. Aspen is way too family oriented for the typical PB. Occasionally you may run across some hot daughters of the rich, white guys and their trophy wives up here. But it’ll be tough trying to get them away from the watchful eyes of Mommy and Daddy. If you are willing, you can get contact info and follow up with the hot daughters when they are back home or back at college. If you bring your own Y to Aspen (as I always do), take her to Brezie Bressarie for a great meal, L’Hosteria for overpriced, average Italian food, Pinons for American Continental, Jimmy’s or Su Casa. The night life here mostly consists of bars—The Red Onion, Finbarr’s, Justice Snow’s, and Eric’s (which is like 4 things in one—a restaurant, pool hall, a bar and a lounge). There is one night club here with lots of PB’s looking for the same thing you are. It’s called Escobars. It’s underground with a decent bar and tiny dance floor.
Hoboken is just a short trip from New York City across the Lincoln or Holland Tunnel. It is a little known hot spot except for those who live in the New York/New Jersey area. It is said that there are more bars and cheesy women in the square mile that makes up Hoboken's downtown than anywhere else in the United States of America, and most of it is on Washington between 1st and 14th! They should've named this town Ho Pokin'! Weekends are the only time to go, when the place is packed with pretty girls from North Jersey and lots of guido types looking for the same thing you are. Beware the big-haired girls in this part of the country, cheesy chicks with low IQ's and hair that will not budge in 40 mile per hour winds. They're everywhere and tend to prefer the, big, Italian kids who drive Iroc Z's and have names like Anthony Carmeniolo Buttafuco Jr. Hoboken Bar and Grill, Bahama Mommas, Nine, Black Bear, 340 Grill, Green Rock, Luiou, the W Hotel lounge, Trinity and Mile Square are all good places. Don't get complacent in this town. You've got to work quickly and early to get the best chicks. This town is fairly non-pretentious, and there are a lot of professional women here. So with any luck, she may actually pick up the check, and you’ll still get laid. Wu!
The University of Colorado in nearby Boulder is where you find the Y in Colorado. Besides the university, the Pearl Street Mall is the place to work on the hot Boulder beaver. This small pedestrian street is lined with shops, eateries and bars. Don't even think about lighting up. There is no smoking allowed anywhere indoors within the city limits. The best bars on Pearl Street include the Rio Grande, Marquee and Potters. And as usual in college towns, the best nights are Thursdays, as many students head to Denver or to the mountains on the weekend to take part in outdoor activities. The locals you will meet in the summertime are very Scandinavian looking and annoyingly grunge. Everything is clean and safe and there is almost no crime. Everyone is in shape. They eat right, jog, hike, roller blade and power walk. There isn't a fat chick to be found in the whole city. But oh, the bodies! I came here once with a friend of mine named John. Now John is a big, strong guy and a violent drunk, never a good combination. He got pissed one night at a girl who blew him off for some hippie dipshit who lived in the back of his Volkswagen smelled as if he hadn't showered in a week. Well, John felt as though enough was enough, and on his way back to the fraternity house at CU, he decided to let everyone know how mad he was. Although he was about 100 yards away and out of sight, I could here the trail of destruction he was leaving behind. He kicked in the tire of a motorcycle, knocked down a sign, pulled off the door to one of those coin-operated newspaper dispensers and lifted up the back of a Honda Civic and put in on the side walk.
If you love Mexican girls, this is the place for you. This is a border town with all of the problems that a border town has; crime, illegal immigrants, drug smugglers, gun shots flying across the border from the the Mexican side-- threatening your health and well being. Sounds like fun doesn't it? Whatever you do in El Paso-- don't be an idiot. DO NOT get convinced to visit the Mexican side of the border for any reason-- unless you want to get kidnapped, killed or worse-- tortured before you were killed... Downtown El Paso has been revived a bit. It used to be a total shit hole, but now old, run down abandoned warehouses have been converted to swanky night clubs. Brick and Mortar, Plum and Shadow are great places to meet the Y. Don't be shy and brush up on your Espanol before hand. But don't piss of that tattooed, heavy-set, mean looking Mexican sitting with his homies in VIP by talking to his girl. You don't want to get shot heading back to your car that night-- seriously. I'm not joking. During the day, check out University of Texas- El Paso (UTEP) for the Y and line it up for later that evening. Besides that, don't bother trolling around looking for girls. They typical local 19yo girl already has a couple of kids and a jealous baby daddy. Boo-- ya...
If you ever find yourself in Corpus Christi, have a bite to eat at the Hooters here, which is better during the summertime than during the school year, when all the pretty Y returns from college out of town. Head out to Ropers on Tuesday evenings for college night during the year. Lots of YP! OMG—just awesome. It’s a typical country western/hip hop music scene. Very clique, so you will have to work to meet the honeys. Don’t be shy, player. On Fridays, try The Reserve—right down the street. It’s in the same complex as a titty bar—called The Palace, which is the best one in Corpus besides Cheetahs. On the weekends, the bars and clubs on Chapperalla Street are decent, but a bit too much on the ghetto side for my taste. For better results head downtown (on Water Street) on the weekends. Bourbon Street, Aria, Martini Bar, Whiskey River, Toxic Clicks and the Voodoo House are pretty good. If you find that pretty little chica you have been looking for, there is no where else better to take her to dinner that the Republic of Texas Restaurant on the top of the Omni Bayfront Hotel. Good wine, excellent service and panty-dropping views. South Padre Island, the famous spring break spot for all of the southern college students, who don’t go to Panama City, is pretty dead at other times of the year.