November 8, 2021
If you love Mexican girls, this is the place for you. This is a border town with all of the problems that a border town has: crime, illegal immigrants, drug smugglers, and gunshots flying across the border from the Mexican side threatening your health and well-being. Sounds like fun doesn't it? Whatever you do in El Paso, don't be an idiot. DO NOT get convinced to visit the Mexican side of the border for any reason, unless you want to get kidnapped, killed, or worse.
Downtown El Paso is seeing a revival. It used to be a total shithole, but the old, run-down abandoned warehouses have been converted to swanky nightclubs. Brick and Mortar, Plum, and Shadow are great places to meet girls. Don't be shy and brush up on your Espanol beforehand. But take care to avoid pissing off that tattooed, heavy-set, mean-looking Mexican guy with his homies in VIP talking to his girl. You don't want to get shot heading back to your car that night. Seriously. I'm not joking.
During the day, check out the University of Texas-El Paso (UTEP) for the Y and line it up for later that evening. Besides that, don't bother trolling around looking for girls.
Austin hands down has the most beautiful women in Texas.
The action in Austin centers on 4th, 5th and 6th Streets where all the collegiates from the University of Texas at Austin and Texas State roam. The girls at this school are unbelievable, probably the best in all the South. If you have to pick one day out of the year to party here, let it be Halloween. If you can get yourself invited to a fraternity party on campus on Halloween, you will know what I am talking about.
If you like to drink, head downtown on a Thursday. Bars like Pete's Peanut Shack have ridiculous drink specials. It's an alcoholic's dream. The entire weekend is amazing from Thursday to Saturday.
The Hooters on Riverside is excellent—lots of beautiful women. The Ranch, Iron Cactus, The Library, and Friends are some of my favorites, but you literally can just pick a random spot on any of these streets and find a good time. Everything is within walking distance.
For the best adult entertainment in Austin, head to Sugar's or the Yellow Rose. The clubs are significantly better than the ones in Houston.
Nearby Lake Travis or Lake Austin is the place to be on summer weekends. The Hula Hut - affectionately nicknamed the “butt hut” - is the best place on Lake Austin. Water Lu Ice House, Little Woodrows in Hill Country Galleria and Steiner Ranch Steak House in Lake Travis on Thursdays aren’t too bad. Oasis on Lake Travis is a great place for a date. Sunday brunch here is legendary. This is where hot Texas girls go when they want to show off their bodies in the summertime. Try Carlos and Charlie’s on Lake Travis later afternoon on Saturdays and Sundays in the summer, when the water level is up. Lake Travis can get really low due to drought, making tourism slow. You won’t be disappointed.
Women in Phoenix are like the weather here in Arizona, hot as hell.
Phoenix is home to Arizona State University, which so generously keeps this city stocked with beautiful college girls. Like Houston, Phoenix seems like it houses a strip club on every other corner. It's very popular for the good-looking female students at ASU to dance part-time for extra money - you can practically assume that most of the hot chicks on campus have at least tried it once. Head to ASU during the school year to check out a little higher education-Arizona style!
The place to be on the weekends in Phoenix is Mill Avenue, just to the west of the university. All the bars are lined up back to back. So bar hop or follow the noise into whatever bar suites your fancy. Club 411 and Gibson's on Mill Ave are my personal favorites.
For a slightly more mature crowd, check out the areas on the corner of Scottsdale and McDowell Road. Jetz and Stixx on E Street, the Camelback and the Cajun House 5th Ave, and The Famous Door on 78th Street are the best bars in this area. Dr. Feel Good and the Blue Note on East McDowell are worth a look-see, as are Rio, Iron Horse, Studebakers, and Tribecca on Scottsdale. Toolie's on West Thomas Road is an incredible country music club here in Phoenix (I can't believe I said that) - the only place I've ever been where the bouncers shake your hand when they card you at the entrance— pretty classy! The place is packed with hot chicks who love country music. Get out there, cowboy!
The best strip clubs in the city are Tiffany's on 32nd by the airport and Bourbon Street on Indian School Road. $10 for a table dance is not too shabby for the quality you get.
On the days you're not at ASU, check out the shopping districts on Colonnade and the Town and Country Mall. West Gate is a relatively new place in Phoenix housing a huge complex full of bars, clubs, restaurants, and of course, a strip club.
Tucson is a much smaller town than Phoenix, but it's still a hell of a lot of fun. The place to be is Speedway Boulevard where the babes at the University of Arizona roam from Thursday to Saturday. The Cage and the Chicago Bar are my favorites. TD's Show Club (Gotta love the name) and Ten's, the best titty bars in this town are also on this street. This city really slows down come summer time when school is out, and the students head home. So plan your itinerary accordingly.
San Diego is an awesome city. There are tons of beautiful girls here - Playbody is constantly at the local universities recruiting girls to do pictorials for college editions. The bad news is the girls in San Diego tend to date the same guy for years, which can be incredibly frustrating (unless you're him). They don't even go out all that often and give the rest of us a chance. It's not like there's a paucity of bars and clubs, either. San Diego is just one of those places inhabited by a bunch of early-to-bed, early-to-rise kind of people - except on the weekends.
Pacific Beach and Mission Beach are the collegiate, surfer, and military hangouts. La Jolla (pronounced La Hoya, for those of you who flunked high school Spanish and don't want to make an ass out of yourself) is wealthier and boring, but beautiful. Downtown is where it's at, and therefore where you should be! The Gas Lamp District downtown is freakin' awesome. It's and just a short taxi ride from the airport. Stay at the Hard Rock Hotel or the W Hotel - that is where all the beautiful people go.
Girls at the clubs here are similar quality to the ones in LA, but way less pretentious and easily approachable. Look good and dress well down here. Most everyone is fashion conscious since Hollywood is just up the road.
Stingaree, Fleetwood, Basic, La Puerta, Side Bar, and Fluxx are some of my favorite places to meet the ladies. Not sure where to go or what's hot? Just walk up and down Market, G, and F Streets and follow the noise and you will be fine. Check out the Hooters down here. Usually, there's some pretty decent talent.
Pacific Beach, referred affectionately as "PB" by the locals is a perfect place for you to practice your game. The most action in PB is on Garnet. Two huge bars dominate the scene - PB Bar and Grill and Typhoon Saloon. Get there early or be prepared to wait in line. Fred's Mexican Cafe is next door to the Typhoon if you're looking for some decent Mexican food. Check out Bob's Dive, Sinbad Cafe (which is a hooka bar that attracts groups of hot girls), or Cabo Cantina. Tavern on the Beach and Plum Crazy usually has hot girls inside, so it might be worth your time. Society is a billiards place to chill after you have met the cutie you've been looking for. Finally, Millers Field is a cool sports bar filled with girls who are way laid back and cool.
During the day, hang out on the campus of SDSU and check out the boardwalks of Mission and Pacific Beaches after 5:00 pm when the babes come out to work out. Run, bike, or rollerblade and be bold in your approach. The boardwalk is not a place for the shy and timid, it's quite difficult to strike up a conversation with someone who's riding a bike past you! Mouse's on Mission Beach offers a nice vantage point to plan your approach.
Come nighttime on Mission Beach, check out Club Tremors on Garnet and Club Sevilla. There are usually some good-looking women out and about at these places. Be careful: a lot of the women here have military boyfriends or husbands, as there is a huge US Navy base close by. You may have your wrap rudely interrupted by a pissed-off, testosterone-filled soldier who's ready to kick your ass. You may run across a "West Pac Widow", which is a wife of a navy man who is overseas for months at a time in the South Pacific. I tend to avoid the West Pac Widows - it's bad karma to try to get with a soldier's wife.
Another good thing about San Diego is that Tijuana, Mexico is just south of here. There is some serious partying that goes on across the border. The party-goers tend to be kids from San Diego who are under the US legal drinking age and are very intent on taking advantage of the fact that in Mexico if you are old enough to walk (even if you're already drunk), you are old enough to buy alcohol. But beware - don't give money to all the little kids with dirt-smudged, adorable faces selling gum or candy. Unknowing tourists can't help but shove money at them. They make a killing. Don't believe me? Watch one of those little con artists for 15 minutes and see how much money they rake in, it's incredible.
Drunk partiers who piss off Mexican police or bar proprietors have been known to get their asses tossed in jail without trial and have to pay ridiculous bribes to city officials to get out, so be careful down here! Worse yet, if you look at all Mexican you will get a load of shit when you try to come back into the United States, I guarantee it. The border police are dumb as shit, and they like to act like badasses and mess with all the returning party-goers. Don't give them a reason to mess with you. Don't give them the satisfaction. Believe me. I speak from personal experience.
I remember the time I went to Tijuana with my buddies. Being a darkie, I was paranoid that I was going to get harassed by the border patrol when I tried to get back into the country. Sure enough, even after seeing my passport, my license, and my medical school ID, they still brought me to stand before the man, as my buddies (and my brother who looks just like me) were waved through with a nod. I was accused of trying to smuggle steroids into the country and was invasively patted down. When I protested my terrible treatment, as I was leaving the agent said "I am the US border patrol. I can go inside you if I want." Now that's a God complex. Needless to say, I was out of there in a hurry and promised myself that I had just made my last trip to Tijuana. It totally wasn't worth the danger and the hassle.
Home of the University of South Carolina Game Cocks, baby! Haha… I just love saying that. So this city is a college town with a little more to it. Wet Willies (for those high octane frozen drinks), Flying Saucer (with their smoking hot waitresses), Jillians, Liberty Tap, Mushroom, and Wild Hare Sports Bar (where most of the locals hang out) are great places to meet girls. They are all in a section of town called Vista, a more professional part of town but the college girls over 21 will come here, if not to party, then to work as waitresses and bartenders.
Five Points is where more girls hang out. It’s not too far from campus - just down Blossom. Cheaper bars with drink specials and college nights; places like Sharky’s, LocalsLucky’s, etc. There’s a two-story Starbucks and of course a Pita Pit to score late-night munchies to soak up the alcohol! Both are great places to meet some cuties.
On-campus of course the coeds abound. Mingle with them over at Yoghut. It’s a cool frozen yogurt place that the girls totally love - and it’s right next to campus.
Stay at the Sheraton downtown. It used to be an old-school bank - with a mechanized vault and all. The girls will totally dig it.
The best restaurant in the city is the Blue Marlin - a great place for a date with that beautiful girl you met last night. Impressive entrance and good eats.
You can always take a girl to nearby Augusta, Georgia, where fat, old, rich men play golf. Stay at the Marriot and eat at the Maison Restaurant - owned and run by an old German Chef. Nice and romantic.
This is the preferred destination for spring break for the VERY young man - I’m talking high school students - especially around Barefoot Landing. Broadway is full of cheesy beach town stores and restaurants. It reminds me of the Jersey Shore a little bit.
For a more grown-up scene, try the Kryptonite (K Club) or the Tunnel on Friday and Saturday nights, or the Boat House early on Sundays in the summertime. The boaters and their hot wives, girlfriends, and daughters will be there late afternoon to late evening.
The best place to bring a date for an impressive dinner is Legrands - great wine list, food, and service.
There is a decent Hooters here and a few good strip clubs in this town: the Penthouse and Doll House have the hottest girls. All the same rules of hitting on strippers and the help apply here in Myrtle Beach, SC.