September 27, 2021
If you're in New Jersey during the summertime, check out the beaches at Belmar, Long Beach Island and Wildwood. There are always girls there on the weekends when the weather's hot. Belmar has the beautiful, guido-loving, collegiate types from North Jersey, while Wildwood and its infamous boardwalk tends to have very Y, YP. All you really young men take note. All of the bars on the Jersey shore are cheesy as hell. So if you shave your chest, drive an "I-Rock", wear gold chains and call yourself "Vito", you will feel right at home. Generally, the further south you go on the shore the less cheesy it becomes, but lately the cheese has been spilling out as far south as Long Beach Island. The Shell on Engleside or the Katch*** are the only two places to really scam in Long Beach on summer weekends.
Geez us… There are some beautiful, corn-fed, white women our here in the American heart land. Stay at the Hyatt Hotel, if you can. It's pretty and new and has a decent bar for a hotel chain. Besides-- it’s the nicest hotel in town and adjacent to downtown-- like within walking distance. Swade’s is a nice classy club—on Fridays it's Latino night and on Saturdays it'ss hip hop night.
Heroes is a huge relatively new hot spot in town. Avoid Indigo—unless you like fat, tatted up dark skinned girls with stretch marks, gold teeth and fake hair. For the complete opposite experience, check out Doc Howard’s on a Thursday night. That is whenever the University of Kansas girls are out here in force. Rock Chalk Jay Hawk, baby!
Definitely do not miss a trip to West Palm Beach/Boca Raton if you can help it. Clematis Street in West Palm is phat on Thursday night when all of the Y comes out to play. Check out Dr. Feel Good, Monarchy,Rocko’s Tacos, Roxy’s and Bradley. City Place is super close to Clematis. My fav places there are Blue Martini and Opa. Boca Raton is terrible these days. The Jewish wives of all the rich dudes here have totally ruined the place. There are no decent clubs anymore. The Hooters here (which was once the best in the world) was forced to shut down. For the YP head to Town Center Boca—a young hip mall, where you can troll for YP. For more daytime game, head to the campus at Florida Atlantic University, where community college education never looked so good. Or try Breezzi’s on the weekends.
Friendly, friendly, friendly women—mostly Scandinavian decent with pretty blue eyes, blond, red or brunette hair. Summer time is the time to go. Winter time is too damn cold. There are tons of festivals during the summer and any spot along Lake Michigan (which looks more like an ocean to me) is just going to be great. Surprisingly, this city is cool and sophisticated—with chic bars, lounges and hotels. Stay at the Intercontinental or the Phister Hotel. The former is modern and hip, the latter is old school and elegant. Both hotels will be recognized by the ladies in the city. To stay there gives you instead credibility with the Y. There are three main areas downtown where you can meet and greet. The first is Waters Street. Places like Water Street Brewery, Bar Louie, Trinity, Buffalo Wild Wings, Sullivans, Magilicutties, Brother and Whiskey Bar are where the 18-23 crowd is—IE the college Y—and Y not. They are young, pretty and fresh. But beware—bring you’re A game. There are lot PB’s here looking for the same thing you are, so be bold and be different. The bars here are crowded, hot and the ratios aren’t the greatest, but you will be fine. Don’t forget how to “hit on the help”, which is gorgeous, friendly and just plain awesome. Old World Third Street is the next place you should hit up. Bootleggers, Buckhead, Buck Bradleys, Sweet, Apartment 720 and Sojo 7 are where you will find the ladies 23-28, who are in my opinion the easiest prey in the city. Not too young that they are confused and stupid, yet not too old to be angry and jaded. Like the proverbial Goldy Locks and the Three Bears, this area is “just right”. Off the beaten path is a club called Decibel—traditional night club, which is lots of fun. Jefferson Ave and Kilborn is where you will find lounges like Elsas, Mikeys and Taylors with the 28-35 crowd. Taylors is known for their happy hours, where you can hit on the smoking hot young corporate executive who was transferred to Milwaukee from LA, who initially hated the place, but now loves it. Want to impress your new lady lover and have a great meal—head to Bacchus, where the Bartolotta family keeps the food and the atmosphere charming and elegant. Umami Moto and Carnivore are other places to bring your women where you are sure to get them all worked up for desert, following the amazing entres.
If you get sick of Miami's pretentiousness or can't stand that salsa and meringue echoing in your ears anymore, retreat northward to Ft. Lauderdale. There lie beautiful babes as well, but they are distinctly American. Check it out in the daytime during the academic year. Fort Lauderdale's shopping district is centered on Sawgrass Mills and Los Olas Blvd, and there is plenty of booty out and about. Many of Fort Lauderdale's best clubs are located on the corners of Sunrise and North Ocean Boulevards and on the oceanfront strip along Atlantic Blvd., where the beaches, bars and bitches abide. My favorite places include Elbow Room, Hooters, LuLu’s and Exit 66. Downtown Lauderdale has really evolved as a place to meet the Y. Automatic Slims (especially on college night Thursdays during the school year), Americas Back Yard, Himmarshee, Side Bar, Brick, Briny Pub, Cayote Ugly, Hooka Bar, VooDoo (Ladies night on Thursdays) and Tarpin Bend are awesome for the ladies. Thursdays and Saturdays, check out Living Room where the waitresses serve you drinks topless covered in body paint. DON”T GO ON FRIDAYS. It’s fudge packer night, which is the owner’s favorite. For great food and drinks early, hot waitresses and more mature women, do Bova Prime and Yolo on Las Olas. The hotest women in Fort Lauderdale work on the weekends, so be sure you know how to hit on the help, player PB. If you love the dark meet ladies with big curves, check out Capones and Art Bar. The best titty bars here are Pure Platinum, Solid Gold (with crazy acrobatic shows twice nightly) and nearby Tootsies are the best of the best. They women are all nude and all phat! If you have the dough, do the VIP rooms with a manager approved girl for some real fun. You will not be disappointed. Trust me on this one.
Daytona's Atlantic Avenue strip is every cheese head's dream spring break destination. You can drive your low-rider onto the beach and cruise for honeys in thong bikinis during the day and scam on beautiful Budweiser beer girls at night. Some of the hottest girls I've ever seen have been those working spring break on Florida's Daytona Beach. Check them out. As in other spring break hot spots in Florida, most bars and clubs are helmetfests, but if you take the time to venture off the most crowded areas of the beach you may strike gold. Alternatively, you can "strap one on" and roll up on the ones that are so hot, they seem impossible to get. Maybe you'll get lucky. The three big clubs here are all together in the same building. Razzles and Aqua are the two big clubs these days. The Hooters and WingHouse especially are excellent. In fact the Wing House here is my favorite in the entire country.
This is the preferred desitination for spring break for the VERY young man—I’m talking high school student—especially in Barefoot Landing. Broadway is full of cheesy beach town stores and restaurants. It reminds me of the Jersey Shore a little bit. For a more grown up scene, try the Kryptonite (K Club) or the Tunnel on Friday and Saturday nights or the Boat House early on Sundays in the summer time. The boaters, and their hot wives, girlfriends and daughters will be there late afternoon to late evening. Best place to bring a chick for an impressive dinner is Legrands—great wine list, food and service. There are a decent Hooters here and a few good titty bars in this town—the Penthouse and Doll House have the hottest girls. All the same rules of hitting on strippers and the help apply here in Myrtle Beach, SC.