October 8, 2021
This is the preferred desitination for spring break for the VERY young man—I’m talking high school student—especially in Barefoot Landing. Broadway is full of cheesy beach town stores and restaurants. It reminds me of the Jersey Shore a little bit. For a more grown up scene, try the Kryptonite (K Club) or the Tunnel on Friday and Saturday nights or the Boat House early on Sundays in the summer time. The boaters, and their hot wives, girlfriends and daughters will be there late afternoon to late evening. Best place to bring a chick for an impressive dinner is Legrands—great wine list, food and service. There are a decent Hooters here and a few good titty bars in this town—the Penthouse and Doll House have the hottest girls. All the same rules of hitting on strippers and the help apply here in Myrtle Beach, SC.
For those of you who are outdoor-lovin' PB's in search of some fine booty head to Colorado. Denver sits a mile above sea level in the shadow of the Rocky Mountains, so the alcohol you drink may have a more pronounced effect when you are first exposed to atmosphere up here. The air is as thin as the women, as Colorado is the "most fit" state in the US. There is nary a fat chick to be found. Yes indeed, blonde hair, blue eyes and bad ass bodies abound. The girls here have tend to have great attitudes, eat right, work out constantly and really care about their bodies. There are also a lot of Native American and Mexican women up here, many of whom are partially of Scandinavian decent. That has made for some beautiful mutts that call this city and the surrounding communities, home. The best places to hangout in Denver on the weekend when in search of local beaver that you can't find in the mountains are the I Beam on Larimer Street, Wynkoop***, the Chopouse***, Enotaca*** and Catacombs on 13th and Spruce. The best titty bar in the city is probably Cheerleaders***. Yes, those are all real breasts, and yes, that is a 6'5 biker with an attitude blowing smoke in your face. Avoid the "Cheerleader Beer" that is made on the premises and which comes in blonde, brunette or red-head flavors, unless you want to puke up the elk and buffalo you had for dinner.
If you find yourself in Destin, check out Aqua and Blue Point on the weekends. McGuires at times is decent. Check out the several hundred thousand dollar bills stapled to the walls and ceilings. Pat O’Brien’s (of New Orleans and the famous Hurricane cocktail fame) and Harry T’s, a cool spot on the water, are good. The Hooters is pretty good here as well. The YP is decent—all the hot daughters of the rich guys with the hot wives in this town. The titty bars are decent here as well with Sammy’s being my favorite. Matador, Penthouse Place (a dance club), The Block (a country western bar) are good as well. For watching sports and talking to cute waitresses, try John O’Quigleys. AJ’s on the water is fun and has great live music, which draws out the Y, as does the Electric Cowboy. The Village is a good spot as well. Oasis can be, but beware of the want to be strippers who are fully clothed dancing on the bars. But the hottest club here is Nightown. It's the largest dance club in the area and it's been hot for years. Once you have met a honey you like, take her to the Red Door, a little dive bar, to get cozy. If you want a little variety, check out the Village at Sandestin Resort, where there a several clubs and bars you can go to-- all in the same area. Here you will find the Village Door with Vegas Style live entertainment and the Martini Bar where the cougars abound.
Philadelphia is where the thirteen colonies ratified the Declaration of Independence and freed themselves from British rule. Maybe they knew what we do about English girls! This city is very Italian. Your competition is sporting a big-ass, cheesy gold chain, a tank top, tanning salon complexion, complete with well-moussed hair and dark jacket. I know, because a lot of my best friends are Italian, and I've seen them this way, despite all my teasing and prodding them in the direction of good taste. The nightlife here is great though, and there are always some stunning women in the bars and clubs. These places are typical meat markets and are no place for the timid, so adjust your rap accordingly, and do your best to set yourself apart from the "typical" dude that so often frequents these nocturnal dwellings in search for YP. That is best accomplished by walking upright, having a high school diploma, no criminal record and driving anything other than a Camaro. Oh, and a suite would help. During the day, if you are in the mood to check out the YP in Phili, head to University City (which looks more like a prison than a city), the home of some not-so-bad-looking girls at Drexel. On the weekends, the places to be in Philadelphia are in and around South Street and Christopher Columbus Boulevard (called Delaware Avenue by the locals). Try Cafe Limbo and Mako's on South Street or Gothum, Spring Garden and Rock Lobster on Christopher Columbus Blvd. Alternatively, head to the Irish Pub on Walnut St. and 20th, Trocadero on Arch Street, Xero on 4th Street, 111 on Chesnut and 3rd, Shampoo and the Bank on 8th. Take note; the Italian girls hear have perfect bodies, dress well and like to be spoiled by the men they meet, while out on the town. You've got to open the wallet a little. If you have access to a car or know someone with a ride, head just outside of Philadelphia to the Manayuk area and the River Deck Cafe for happy hour late in the workweek.
Don't miss out on visiting Santa Barbara just north of LA. It's fun and packed with beautiful women from all over California. Santa Barbara, along with nearby Malibu, is where Baywatch is filmed. During the academic year, it's packed with gorgeous, college beaver. In the summer time, the less pretentious Californians come here on the weekends to get away from LA. Santa Barbara is probably my favorite city in the US, because it reminds me of the Basque country in Europe. There's a big university, the University of California at Santa Barbara out on La Isla Vista, which should be named La Isla de Chica Finita, a great night life, which centers in and around State Street, and beautiful girls. Half of the girls I saw on the campus of UCSB or out on State Street from Thursday through Saturday night turned my head. I was "phallus in Wonderland!" On top of all that, the beach on La Isla Vista is packed with UCSB girls when it's hot outside. Alas the water's always cold, so don't wear your Speedo's and dive right in, unless you can get one of the sorority girls to perform CPR on your Johnson. I went to a fraternity party on campus here one year and I almost didn't leave. Going to Harvard was definitely not worth missing out on fours years of this. And oh, did I mention? If you think the girls at UCSB were hot, take a walk over to Santa Barbara City College just off of Shoreline Beach by State Street. The girls who were too dumb and too hot to get into UCSB are all here. Double WU! God Damn Factor 10.0— the best score in the US!
Definitely do not miss a trip to West Palm Beach/Boca Raton if you can help it. Clematis Street in West Palm is phat on Thursday night when all of the Y comes out to play. Check out Dr. Feel Good, Monarchy,Rocko’s Tacos, Roxy’s and Bradley. City Place is super close to Clematis. My fav places there are Blue Martini and Opa. Boca Raton is terrible these days. The Jewish wives of all the rich dudes here have totally ruined the place. There are no decent clubs anymore. The Hooters here (which was once the best in the world) was forced to shut down. For the YP head to Town Center Boca—a young hip mall, where you can troll for YP. For more daytime game, head to the campus at Florida Atlantic University, where community college education never looked so good. Or try Breezzi’s on the weekends.
Seattle is a great place if you are into chicks who drink coffee, chicks who dig rainy weather and chicks into alternative rock. This is a very young city, which spawned groups like Nirvana and Pearl Jam. It rains 270 days of the year here, which means this place is depressing. Seattle is where Grunge was born, which means none of the chicks ever dress well and most are tattooed up and pierced. And Seattle is the home of Microsoft and Boeing, which means this town is over run with computer geeks and engineering nerds. If you are going to hook up in Seattle, a pretty safe bet is to pretend to be a rich Microsoft millionaire, and you can easily find a bunch of home-body, Seattle chicks willing to runkle. Your next best bet is to pierce your nose, get a visible tattoo and carry around a guitar This will suddenly make you blend in with all the people who live here and who don't work at Boeing or Microsoft. While you may suddenly lose your identity in a sea of grunge freaks, you will also find that there are plenty of body-piercing chicks who will suddenly befriend you, because you look like everybody else. Thankfully, at least the University of Washington is here and keeps the YP in supply year round on University Way and its side streets along with the Queen Anne neighborhood. Pioneer Square is a decent area of town for the Y. Dream Girls is the best strip club in this area of town. A kicker bar called Cow Girls is kind of a knock off of Coyote Ugly-- with decent looking girls in Daisy Duke shorts dancing on tables. It's hard to talk to them though, as they go through their routines. But they are generally decent looking and most PB's don't even mind that they short poor your mixed drinks, because they are too busy staring at T&A. If you get tired of decent looking waitresses ignoring your drink order to finish their dance routines, head to Trinity and the Last Supper Club-- also in Pioneer Square. The closest thing to real action in Seattle is the L. A.-want-to-be nightclubs in Belltown—Amber, Frontier Room, Cellars andBelltown Billiards. Surprisingly, there are plenty of hot women to be found in these places—but don’t bother coming on any night other than Friday or Saturday. Often times you get some Y heading down from Canada on the weekends to party in Seattle. Don't be fooled by the freshly tanned booty. They're really not from LA. Since it rains so much, the tanning salons do a thriving business up here. The Hooters over by Chandlers Cove is interesting. Lots of pretty girls and big booties—if you are into that sort of thing. Right next door-- Joey's generally has hot waitresses and decent food with a view of the Cove. If you snag one of the waitresses, take her to the Citrus Club around the corner from Joey's. Or if it's really late, head to 13 Coins Restaurant-- which has good food and is open 24/7, so of course it is a mad house after the bars and clubs close. For a change of pace, go trolling during the day at the Westlake Center. That’s the shopping district in downtown Seattle. There you will find pretty women, with no tats or piercing and dressed well. All the typical stores and chain restaurants are there. Go after school or work during the week and on the weekends and you won’t likely be disappointed.