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GOD DAMN FACTOR

Panama City rocks during the spring break season. Everything centers around "the strip" by the beach. The beach is always packed with honeys, but beware: the weather here tends to be the least predictable of all the spring break destinations. Panama City has been known to be cold and rainy while other spring break spots are warm and sunny, so cross your fingers.

On top of that the old BP oil disaster ensures that the water will be contaminated for years to come, despite what is reported on the news. Leave it to the British to screw things up for one of our favorite spring break destinations.

Despite these factors, Panama City is perhaps the most popular destination for spring break in Florida. MTV comes here almost every year and throws some decent parties. Who knows, you may wind up on TV.

When night falls, Club La Vela and the Spinnaker are awesome. Oh, these chicas! Girls from Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, and Florida love it here as a spring break destination.

The mother of all Panama city beach bars is Club La Vela. It's the largest nightclub in America with 12 theme rooms and a cool crowd. Perfect for all you club guys. Coyote Ugly is OK here. Spinnaker is a huge nightclub with live entertainment and dance theme rooms.

Want to escape the cheese with that hot local girl you just met? Take her to the Red Door, a local dive bar, or Ms. Newbys, another local, heavy pouring place. For the locals - i.e. anytime other than Spring Break, head over to Palafox Street downtown and just follow the noise. Good times.

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Panama City Beach, FL, USA

November 11, 2021

8.5

God Damn Factor

Panama City rocks during the spring break season. Everything centers around "the strip" by the beach. The beach is always packed with honeys, but beware: the weather here tends to be the least predictable of all the spring break destinations. Panama City has been known to be cold and rainy while other spring break spots are warm and sunny, so cross your fingers.

On top of that the old BP oil disaster ensures that the water will be contaminated for years to come, despite what is reported on the news. Leave it to the British to screw things up for one of our favorite spring break destinations.

Despite these factors, Panama City is perhaps the most popular destination for spring break in Florida. MTV comes here almost every year and throws some decent parties. Who knows, you may wind up on TV.

When night falls, Club La Vela and the Spinnaker are awesome. Oh, these chicas! Girls from Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, and Florida love it here as a spring break destination.

The mother of all Panama city beach bars is Club La Vela. It's the largest nightclub in America with 12 theme rooms and a cool crowd. Perfect for all you club guys. Coyote Ugly is OK here. Spinnaker is a huge nightclub with live entertainment and dance theme rooms.

Want to escape the cheese with that hot local girl you just met? Take her to the Red Door, a local dive bar, or Ms. Newbys, another local, heavy pouring place. For the locals - i.e. anytime other than Spring Break, head over to Palafox Street downtown and just follow the noise. Good times.

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New York, NY, USA

November 11, 2021

8

The Doctor

New York is as big and daunting as Los Angeles, Paris, or London with an attitude to match. During the day when masses of humanity commute into the city from neighboring communities to work, the population swells to greater than four times that of the entire country of Norway.

There are 5 boroughs in New York. It is safe to ignore four of them and concentrate your efforts on Manhattan. That's where you'll see and do everything that New York is so famous for, including its female residents.

The best time to be in New York is around Christmas/Hanukah and New Years. New Yorkers are actually friendly to each other when they are in the Christmas spirit. It's even customary to tip the muggers during the Yuletide! The stores on 5th and Park Avenues are absolutely mobbed, and the New Year's Eve party in Times Square draws hundreds of thousands of people every single year from around the world.

Yes, there are beautiful women in New York, but many of them won't want to go out with anyone they don't know, because there this place is big and full of strange men. Most of the women can't tell if you're one or not, so they usually play it safe and brush off all advances. If you have seen some of the men in this city, you can understand why they may do this. Don't be discouraged. Like in any big city with a similar attitude, you can still woo a local if you're smart and put in the effort. It's infinitely easier though if a friend or acquaintance who she knows and trusts introduces you to the chick so she knows you're safe.

During the day, head to Madison Ave, 5th Ave, and Avenue of the Americas where the women will be out shopping. Key places are Henri Bendels, Bergdorf Goodman, and Barneys. To make any sort of impression, have a major trust fund and own a Ferrari. Otherwise, just look the part. Like Paris, Milan, and Madrid, there are a ton of fashion models around, although diluted in a solute of millions of other girls, many of which may not be the least bit attractive. If you're really lucky you might run into a group of them out in the Village or Soho, since they tend to hang out there together with the rest of the international model crowd.

The happening bars and clubs in the city change constantly. By the time you read this, what's hot now won't be, and clubs that will be probably don't even exist yet. But Webster Hall on East 11th between 3rd and 4th Avenues, the Tunnel on 12th Avenue and 27th' System on 13th and 3rd and the Palladium on East 14th between 3rd and 4th seem to survive year to year and are sure to be good on the weekend. Take a look at what's online before you go into the club. These clubs tend to be full of tourists. These clubs are not cheap, and there is plenty of attitude to fill clubs 10 times their size, but they are worth checking out since they are exactly the kind of clubs you would expect from a place like New York. Dress well and bring plenty of cash. These places are often divided into sections with different clientele inhabiting different sections. Sometimes the security men won't let you into certain parts of the club if you don't have the right look for that section.

There are an enormous number of places in New York that are as good as the aforementioned clubs, but perhaps less known to those who don't live here. Twilo on 27th and 10th Ave, The Cheetah Club on 21st and 5th, Opera on 21st and 12*, Kaos off of Union Square, the China Bar on 63rd, The Roxy on West 18th, Dorian's on 7th Avenue, the Spy Bar on Green Street, Merc on Mercer Street, Envy on the corner of Hudson, Touch in Times Square and Spring, Liquids on 36th and 12th are all pretty good and feature a nice variety of fine-looking chicas from all over New York and adjacent New Jersey.

The upper-East Side is just east of Central Park from about 5th Avenue to 1st Avenue and from about 40th Street to 98th Street. There are a lot of professional types who live here and more millionaires per square foot than anywhere else in the world (because they are stacked on top of each other in the skyrises)! The upper-East side is also home to the greatest collection of art museums in the United States. The Metropolitan Museum of Art, the Whitney Museum of American Art, MOMA (Museum of Modern Art), the Frick Museum, and the Guggenheim are located here. Most of New York's greatest restaurants like Aureole, Le Cirque, Daniel, Le Chantilly, Four Seasons, Fifty Seven, and Lespinasse are in the upper-East side. Both the culture and the cash so prevalent on the upper-East side will ensure a steady supply of hot women in the area at any given time.

If you prefer the uptown crowd frequented by the many good-looking, young female professionals in this city who call New York their home, head to Venue on West 38th, Prohibition, the Bowery Bar on East 4th Street, Polyesters on 8th Street (there are actually two in the city), the Ski Bar on 2nd Avenue, Brother Jimmy's on 76th and 1st, Moe's Caribbean, Iggy's, Sweet Melissa's, Bare Bar* Bar 13, Merchants on Thomas Street, the Gingerman, Jake's Dilemma on Amsterdam, the Lemon Bar, the Union Bar and Phoebe's on Columbus Ave. These places tend to have a lot of chicks relaxing having a drink with their friends, perhaps a small dance floor, and a lot of flirting going on. Unfortunately, the ratio in these places may be unfavorable for the enthusiastic guy, so be bold and daring, lest you lose out to squid with the balls to roll up on a table full of girls talking with each other and seemingly uninterested in meeting anyone.

There are also a lot of good-looking women on the upper-West side. They are mostly Jewish girls in packs of 10 to 20 who may seem totally unapproachable to you but give them a shot. If you have a Jewish friend from New York, chances are that he'll know a few of the girls in these bars and can introduce you. This is a very close-knit community in which everybody knows each other. Oftentimes, they've already hooked up with multiple individuals within the same social circle. Know someone and be a successful dentist or lawyer with a name that ends in "berg" or "stein", if at all possible. And take off that crucifix from around your neck. Save it, the tank top, and the steroids for when you go out in New Jersey.

If you are looking for the best strip clubs money can buy in New York City, head to Scores on East 60th Street, Shenanaggins, NY Dolls on Murray Street, Tens, and Flash Dancers on Broadway. A table dance will set you back $10, but they are frequently tipped much more than this by all the Wall Street types.

If you're in New York during the summertime head for the beaches in the Hamptons out on Long Island. Here you will find all of the beautiful Jewish and Italian girls you could ever want. The Hamptons is a general area on the eastern side of Long Island, including the towns of East Hampton, West Hampton, and South Hampton. In addition, Amagansett, Sag Harbour, the Moriches, Shelter Island, and Montauk are more or less considered parts of the Hamptons. South Hampton is a playground for the rich and famous, but the other towns and beaches may bring you more luck as the level of pretentiousness is far less. Generally, it's way too difficult to only come out here for the day or the evening since the traffic on the way out here is horrible on the summer weekends. It's much easier if you know someone who has a place out here where you can crash. Keep an eye out so that you don't step on any medical waste or hypodermic needles on the Hampton beaches. The girls here may have left New York City, but they didn't forget to pack their attitudes. They never leave home without them. So the same rules for New York apply out here. Dress well, know someone, be introduced or be bold and daring.

Club M80, Boom, and Tavern on Route 27/Sunrise Highway in South Hampton are the places to be come nightfall to meet the beautiful NYC chicks who abandon the heat of the city every weekend and head to the beach.

Alternatively, head to the lesser places in West Hampton like Tongue in Groove and Cassey's. Don't feel as though you are missing out if you can't make it out to the Hamptons in the summertime. This city is packed with Europeans, Americans visiting from other parts of the United States and rich girls home from college or boarding school from June through August, so there are sure to be plenty of options around.

New York City also has some of the best eats in the world. Once you meet that Wall Street girl you have always dreamed of, take her to Dim Sum Go Go, The Spotted Pig, The Magnolia Café, Per Se, Baboo, The Standard, or Mas farmhouse. Good food makes women like you more. It is a provider/hunter/gather primal instincts thing. Don't fight it. Go with it...

Tucson, AZ, USA

October 25, 2021

8.5

The Doctor

Tucson is a much smaller town than Phoenix, but it's still a hell of a lot of fun. The place to be is Speedway Boulevard where the babes at the University of Arizona roam from Thursday to Saturday. The Cage and the Chicago Bar are my favorites. TD's Show Club (Gotta love the name) and Ten's, the best titty bars in this town are also on this street. This city really slows down come summer time when school is out, and the students head home. So plan your itinerary accordingly.

Las Vegas, NV, USA

November 10, 2021

9

The Doctor

Las Vegas is incredible. Even more so than New York, this city is awake and alive all night, every night. Anything goes. The casinos, clubs, and strip clubs here are fantastic if you've got the cash to blow.

The weekend crowd is totally different than the weekday crowd.  During the week, Vegas is full of conventioners and families on vacation from all over the world. On the weekends (especially during July and August) there are tons of revelers pouring in from all over the USA. The crowd totally changes to 20-30 somethings out to get their proverbial drink on and have a good time.

The best places to stay are The Palms and Hard Rock Hotels. Here you'll find people in the age group that you want, along with gorgeous waitresses and bartenders. The Palms actually hire hot girls just to hang around at the bars, lounges, and common areas for decoration, so if you see super hot chicks that don’t seem like they belong, it’s probably because they are working.

You can find many other hotels on Las Vegas and Paradise Blvd.'s. These hotels are monumental and have one cheesy attraction or another: Egyptian pyramids, huge water parks with dolphins, volcanoes, pirates, rain forests, and Medieval castles. As you walk or drive down the strip, you'll see them all.

There are plenty of places to party in this city. Every major hotel has clubs. The best are the Moon, Ghost Bar, and Mint at the Palms Hotel and Casino, Body English at the Hard Rock, Pure at Ceasar’s, and XS at Encore. XS is hot right now. If you want to go, get there early and get bottle service.  But beware: especially on the weekends, the drunks here are plenty and annoying as hell.

There are TONS of bachelorette parties here, but these girls are tough to get with because they all guard each other.

For the hottest blackjack dealers ever, head to the Playboy Club at the Palms. They rotate the girls constantly. The Blue Martini here is good. They have their usual plethora of beautiful girls in corsets and hot pants serving you.

For a change of pace, the 1st Friday of every month, many of the locals head to the bars on Freemont Street - the old downtown Las Vegas. Everything is cheesier there though. Everything from bad imitation bands to bad Elvis impersonators about here. Not the crowd you generally want to hang out with on any other day of the month - trust me. Not even the cheaper hotel prices, cheap drinks, and cheesy light shows here would keep me around. All the big hotels also have a decent pool scene.

The hottest girls in Vegas are always the girls who are working - not the girls in from out of town. The best work at night and on the weekends. They usually moved here on a whim and found the same kind of work that every hot girl can find in Vegas - waitressing and bartending. You have got to learn how to hit on these girls. 

Rehab on Sundays at the Hard Rock and the pool at the Palms on Saturdays are good. Sometimes they even have models there for your entertainment. They are usually strippers who come during the day in some smokin’ hot outfits showing off their best assets.

Here’s a hint: keep your room keys on your visits. Many clubs have preferential lines for hotel guests and many of the pools are only for guests. Flashing the hotel room keys will help you save time and aggravation if you are trying to hop around and check out various locations.

Caesar's Palace and the Venetian have the best shopping and dining options and there are always pretty ladies out there in force. The Fashion Show Mall is the place to be in the mid-late afternoons to find girls. The female staff at places like the Guess, Amber Crombie, and Fitch tend to be friendly and fine.

When you come, bring PLENTY of cash and some worthy wingmen!  The girls come here in droves - huge groups, so you need to attack them in groups. Running up solo to a group of freshly tanned hotties dressed to the nines from out of town who are in Vegas to party is NOT for the faint of heart. You will find yourself in elevators with a dozen women in high heels and dresses heading out for the evening.  Being in that situation is just priceless, but you have to have the balls to roll.

The strip clubs here are legendary.  They will oftentimes provide transportation for you free of charge, so call ahead.  If you get to know the managers, they may also comp your door fee, which can be outrageous.  The best quality ones are The Spearment Rhino (door fee $50 which includes your first 2 drinks), Sapphire (door fee $30 and includes your first drink), Treasures, Seamless, and Ricks. BE CAREFUL! The working girls here are career strippers, most of whom fly in specifically to work. They are vultures - jaded and angry at the world. Nothing impresses them; they have seen and heard it all. I like to stick to the newbies. They are way more fun and open-minded. The ones who actually live in Vegas are worse. Don’t get played and go spending money unless you are going to get what you want - whatever that is.

There are several things to be aware of here. First, if you are going to gamble (which is stupid unless you are trying to impress a chick), play blackjack or poker, or if you're really cheesy, play war. These are the only games you have any chance at winning. Don’t be a punk and lose all your money. Second, taxi lines here are insane! Give yourself plenty of time to get from place to place in this city. If you get sick of Vegas, head to the suburbs or Summerland or Henderson. 

Charleston, SC, USA

November 2, 2021

8.5

The Doctor

Shockingly this town is a really good time. Fantastic restaurants, Southern hospitality, cool boutique hotels, and beautiful, friendly girls!

Market Street is full of cool college bars with college girls in them Thursday through Saturday, as the College of Charleston is right downtown. Mad River, Johnsons, and Wild Wings are some of the best in town.

There are some cool roof-top bars here. There is one at the Venue Hotel and Henry’s.

The fantastic restaurants in this city include Rue de Jean, Cypress, Pearls, Basil, Blossom, the Library at the Venue Hotel, and High Cotton.

Denver, CO, USA

November 8, 2021

9

The Doctor

For you outdoor-lovin' guys in search of some outdoor-lovin' girls, head to Colorado. Denver sits a mile above sea level in the shadow of the Rocky Mountains, so the alcohol you drink may have a more pronounced effect when you are first exposed to the atmosphere up here. The air is as thin as the women, as Colorado is the "most fit" state in the US.

The girls here tend to have great attitudes, eat right, work out constantly and really care about their bodies. There are also a lot of Native American and Mexican women up here, many of whom are partially of Scandinavian descent, which makes for some beautiful women that call this area home.

The best places to hang out in Denver on the weekend when in search of the few local girls that you can't find in the mountains are the I Beam on Larimer Street, Wynkoop, the Chophouse, Enotaca, and Catacombs on 13th and Spruce.

The best strip club in the city is probably Cheerleaders. Just try to avoid a confrontation with that 6'5" biker with an attitude blowing smoke in your face. Avoid the "Cheerleader Beer" that is made on the premises and which comes in blonde, brunette, or red-head flavors, unless you want to puke up the elk and buffalo you had for dinner.

New Orleans, LA, USA

November 11, 2021

7

The Doctor

New Orleans, Louisiana and the famed Mardi Gras celebration which happens the three weeks preceding the Lenten season in February is usually near the top of any world travelers itinerary. During the last week of Mardi Gras festivities, the city is absolutely packed. There are parades every day and drinking and merry-making all night, every night.

The recipe for having a great time at Mardi Gras is to take a bunch of your good buddies, find some hot girls, add alcohol, plastic beads, and, Voila! So what if most of the girls here aren't the most beautiful, it's worth going to Mardi Gras for the pure entertainment value of trying to see just how much you can get away with. You won't sleep, so expect an upper respiratory infection. You will hook up, so expect other types of infections if you aren't careful.

If your idea of a good time is drinking with a bunch of other guys and hitting on mostly unattractive women who like to show off their bodies, stick their tongues down your throat or get frisky for plastic beads, you're going to have a blast. Yes, big, colorful beads possessed by the revelers at Mardi Gras are to be given in exchange for all sorts of favors. If a girl likes your beads (or you, more importantly), she'll ask you what she has to do to get some of them. Or better yet, find someone you like and ask her what she's willing to do for some beads. You can ask her to do anything you want. Use your imagination.

City officials promptly put a stop to the madness at 12:00 midnight on Fat Tuesday, so don't bother staying one minute longer than that, unless you got lucky and met one of the few beautiful girls to be found in Louisiana.

A word to the wise; Be careful. Remember that New Orleans is the city where the police get busted for dealing drugs and putting contracts out on witnesses, so you can imagine what the bad guys are like.

If you visit New Orleans at any time other than Mardi Gras, which is held the three weeks before Ash Wednesday and the Lenten season every year, head down to the French Quarter for some decent food before heading to Texas and points further west. The women here aren't the most attractive, but at least they can cook.

Pat Obrien's on Saint Peter Street, Cooter's on Carrolton Ave, the Maple Leaf on Oak Street, and Miss Mae's on Magazine Street are decent bars, whenever you may visit.

The best strip club is the Gold Cup on Iberville.