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GOD DAMN FACTOR

San Diego is an awesome city. There are tons of beautiful girls here - Playbody is constantly at the local universities recruiting girls to do pictorials for college editions. The bad news is the girls in San Diego tend to date the same guy for years, which can be incredibly frustrating (unless you're him). They don't even go out all that often and give the rest of us a chance. It's not like there's a paucity of bars and clubs, either. San Diego is just one of those places inhabited by a bunch of early-to-bed, early-to-rise kind of people - except on the weekends.

Pacific Beach and Mission Beach are the collegiate, surfer, and military hangouts. La Jolla (pronounced La Hoya, for those of you who flunked high school Spanish and don't want to make an ass out of yourself) is wealthier and boring, but beautiful. Downtown is where it's at, and therefore where you should be! The Gas Lamp District downtown is freakin' awesome. It's and just a short taxi ride from the airport. Stay at the Hard Rock Hotel or the W Hotel - that is where all the beautiful people go.

Girls at the clubs here are similar quality to the ones in LA, but way less pretentious and easily approachable. Look good and dress well down here. Most everyone is fashion conscious since Hollywood is just up the road.

Stingaree, Fleetwood, Basic, La Puerta, Side Bar, and Fluxx are some of my favorite places to meet the ladies. Not sure where to go or what's hot? Just walk up and down Market, G, and F Streets and follow the noise and you will be fine. Check out the Hooters down here. Usually, there's some pretty decent talent.

Pacific Beach, referred affectionately as "PB" by the locals is a perfect place for you to practice your game. The most action in PB is on Garnet. Two huge bars dominate the scene - PB Bar and Grill and Typhoon Saloon. Get there early or be prepared to wait in line. Fred's Mexican Cafe is next door to the Typhoon if you're looking for some decent Mexican food. Check out Bob's Dive, Sinbad Cafe (which is a hooka bar that attracts groups of hot girls), or Cabo Cantina. Tavern on the Beach and Plum Crazy usually has hot girls inside, so it might be worth your time. Society is a billiards place to chill after you have met the cutie you've been looking for. Finally, Millers Field is a cool sports bar filled with girls who are way laid back and cool.

During the day, hang out on the campus of SDSU and check out the boardwalks of Mission and Pacific Beaches after 5:00 pm when the babes come out to work out. Run, bike, or rollerblade and be bold in your approach. The boardwalk is not a place for the shy and timid, it's quite difficult to strike up a conversation with someone who's riding a bike past you! Mouse's on Mission Beach offers a nice vantage point to plan your approach.

Come nighttime on Mission Beach, check out Club Tremors on Garnet and Club Sevilla. There are usually some good-looking women out and about at these places. Be careful: a lot of the women here have military boyfriends or husbands, as there is a huge US Navy base close by. You may have your wrap rudely interrupted by a pissed-off, testosterone-filled soldier who's ready to kick your ass. You may run across a "West Pac Widow", which is a wife of a navy man who is overseas for months at a time in the South Pacific. I tend to avoid the West Pac Widows - it's bad karma to try to get with a soldier's wife.

Another good thing about San Diego is that Tijuana, Mexico is just south of here. There is some serious partying that goes on across the border. The party-goers tend to be kids from San Diego who are under the US legal drinking age and are very intent on taking advantage of the fact that in Mexico if you are old enough to walk (even if you're already drunk), you are old enough to buy alcohol. But beware - don't give money to all the little kids with dirt-smudged, adorable faces selling gum or candy. Unknowing tourists can't help but shove money at them. They make a killing. Don't believe me? Watch one of those little con artists for 15 minutes and see how much money they rake in, it's incredible.

Drunk partiers who piss off Mexican police or bar proprietors have been known to get their asses tossed in jail without trial and have to pay ridiculous bribes to city officials to get out, so be careful down here! Worse yet, if you look at all Mexican you will get a load of shit when you try to come back into the United States, I guarantee it. The border police are dumb as shit, and they like to act like badasses and mess with all the returning party-goers. Don't give them a reason to mess with you. Don't give them the satisfaction. Believe me. I speak from personal experience.

I remember the time I went to Tijuana with my buddies. Being a darkie, I was paranoid that I was going to get harassed by the border patrol when I tried to get back into the country. Sure enough, even after seeing my passport, my license, and my medical school ID, they still brought me to stand before the man, as my buddies (and my brother who looks just like me) were waved through with a nod. I was accused of trying to smuggle steroids into the country and was invasively patted down. When I protested my terrible treatment, as I was leaving the agent said "I am the US border patrol. I can go inside you if I want." Now that's a God complex. Needless to say, I was out of there in a hurry and promised myself that I had just made my last trip to Tijuana. It totally wasn't worth the danger and the hassle.

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San Diego, CA, USA

November 15, 2021

8.5

God Damn Factor

San Diego is an awesome city. There are tons of beautiful girls here - Playbody is constantly at the local universities recruiting girls to do pictorials for college editions. The bad news is the girls in San Diego tend to date the same guy for years, which can be incredibly frustrating (unless you're him). They don't even go out all that often and give the rest of us a chance. It's not like there's a paucity of bars and clubs, either. San Diego is just one of those places inhabited by a bunch of early-to-bed, early-to-rise kind of people - except on the weekends.

Pacific Beach and Mission Beach are the collegiate, surfer, and military hangouts. La Jolla (pronounced La Hoya, for those of you who flunked high school Spanish and don't want to make an ass out of yourself) is wealthier and boring, but beautiful. Downtown is where it's at, and therefore where you should be! The Gas Lamp District downtown is freakin' awesome. It's and just a short taxi ride from the airport. Stay at the Hard Rock Hotel or the W Hotel - that is where all the beautiful people go.

Girls at the clubs here are similar quality to the ones in LA, but way less pretentious and easily approachable. Look good and dress well down here. Most everyone is fashion conscious since Hollywood is just up the road.

Stingaree, Fleetwood, Basic, La Puerta, Side Bar, and Fluxx are some of my favorite places to meet the ladies. Not sure where to go or what's hot? Just walk up and down Market, G, and F Streets and follow the noise and you will be fine. Check out the Hooters down here. Usually, there's some pretty decent talent.

Pacific Beach, referred affectionately as "PB" by the locals is a perfect place for you to practice your game. The most action in PB is on Garnet. Two huge bars dominate the scene - PB Bar and Grill and Typhoon Saloon. Get there early or be prepared to wait in line. Fred's Mexican Cafe is next door to the Typhoon if you're looking for some decent Mexican food. Check out Bob's Dive, Sinbad Cafe (which is a hooka bar that attracts groups of hot girls), or Cabo Cantina. Tavern on the Beach and Plum Crazy usually has hot girls inside, so it might be worth your time. Society is a billiards place to chill after you have met the cutie you've been looking for. Finally, Millers Field is a cool sports bar filled with girls who are way laid back and cool.

During the day, hang out on the campus of SDSU and check out the boardwalks of Mission and Pacific Beaches after 5:00 pm when the babes come out to work out. Run, bike, or rollerblade and be bold in your approach. The boardwalk is not a place for the shy and timid, it's quite difficult to strike up a conversation with someone who's riding a bike past you! Mouse's on Mission Beach offers a nice vantage point to plan your approach.

Come nighttime on Mission Beach, check out Club Tremors on Garnet and Club Sevilla. There are usually some good-looking women out and about at these places. Be careful: a lot of the women here have military boyfriends or husbands, as there is a huge US Navy base close by. You may have your wrap rudely interrupted by a pissed-off, testosterone-filled soldier who's ready to kick your ass. You may run across a "West Pac Widow", which is a wife of a navy man who is overseas for months at a time in the South Pacific. I tend to avoid the West Pac Widows - it's bad karma to try to get with a soldier's wife.

Another good thing about San Diego is that Tijuana, Mexico is just south of here. There is some serious partying that goes on across the border. The party-goers tend to be kids from San Diego who are under the US legal drinking age and are very intent on taking advantage of the fact that in Mexico if you are old enough to walk (even if you're already drunk), you are old enough to buy alcohol. But beware - don't give money to all the little kids with dirt-smudged, adorable faces selling gum or candy. Unknowing tourists can't help but shove money at them. They make a killing. Don't believe me? Watch one of those little con artists for 15 minutes and see how much money they rake in, it's incredible.

Drunk partiers who piss off Mexican police or bar proprietors have been known to get their asses tossed in jail without trial and have to pay ridiculous bribes to city officials to get out, so be careful down here! Worse yet, if you look at all Mexican you will get a load of shit when you try to come back into the United States, I guarantee it. The border police are dumb as shit, and they like to act like badasses and mess with all the returning party-goers. Don't give them a reason to mess with you. Don't give them the satisfaction. Believe me. I speak from personal experience.

I remember the time I went to Tijuana with my buddies. Being a darkie, I was paranoid that I was going to get harassed by the border patrol when I tried to get back into the country. Sure enough, even after seeing my passport, my license, and my medical school ID, they still brought me to stand before the man, as my buddies (and my brother who looks just like me) were waved through with a nod. I was accused of trying to smuggle steroids into the country and was invasively patted down. When I protested my terrible treatment, as I was leaving the agent said "I am the US border patrol. I can go inside you if I want." Now that's a God complex. Needless to say, I was out of there in a hurry and promised myself that I had just made my last trip to Tijuana. It totally wasn't worth the danger and the hassle.

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Pensacola, FL, USA

November 11, 2021

7

The Doctor

The panhandle of Florida, AKA the redneck Rivera. Don't go in the water though, which thanks to BP will be microscopically laden with oil for years to come. You can get dirty enough and put your health at risk by partying with the girls downtown. There are some honeys here, but outside of spring break, you may have to hunt for them a little bit.

Stay at the New World Inn Hotel. It's a local place and within walking distance of all of downtown. Start off at 600 South, the cool upscale bar at the hotel, and try your luck with the cute bartenders. Walk down the street to Club Ice, and follow up with Club Fire, which is upstairs from Club Ice (cheesy, but who doesn't love the cheese in the pan handle). It's totally packed. Don't be shy. VIP here is reasonable so reach in the wallet and make an impression. 5 1/2 Bar is a cool high-end wine and cocktail bar where you can impress the girl you met during the day on the beach or at the Hooters nearby, but come here alone and the cougars will be your only option.

Want a more chill place to bring the girl you met earlier in the day? Check out Intermissions, a kind of a dive bar with good live music, which she will most likely love. Hop Jacks has a younger local crowd that go there for the big draft beers selection and good, cheap food. Seville Quarter is the best place to meet girls. It's 7 bars and clubs in one, with everything from a piano bar to a dance club to a chill bar. If you can't meet someone here with all the drunk happy girls running around schizophrenically between the 7 venues, then your man card seriously deserves to be revoked. Good luck!

Baltimore, MD, USA

November 1, 2021

7.5

The Doctor

A lot of you may consider making road trips to Baltimore, Maryland, or even Old Town, Virginia, both known for being big bar towns. It's true the beer may be good, but the ratio, quantity, and quality of the dating pool sometimes are not.

Water Street is the place to hang out in Baltimore early on Friday nights when it's warm outside. Basically it's an outdoor pavilion surrounded by bars on both sides. A lot of professionals and college students come here after a long week to get a jump on the weekend.

While drinking on Water Street one night, my buddies and I ran into a girl who went to school at nearby Loyola College - a great place to meet beautiful coeds by the way. She was outrageous - half-Venezuelan and half-Syrian - and her name was Gigi. As I was talking to her, she was approached by this guy who looked like something you might see on display as the "missing link" in the Museum of Natural History. It was her boyfriend, Joe, who was so ugly, I swore he had to be missing 3 pairs of the usual set of 23 human chromosomes. My hero that night was a Neanderthal that we dubbed "Joe 20". I guess sometimes the sun even shines on a dog's ass, you lucky bastard.

If you're in Baltimore between Wednesday and a Saturday, head ten minutes North to Towson, Maryland. Towson State University and Loyola University are great places to wander in search of beautiful girls during the day. These two schools also stock the bars on York Avenue and Joppa Road with great-looking women. Gators and Murphy's on York Road are overflowing with hot coeds, especially midweek.

Late week, the best bars are a little further up the road. Head to the Crease and the Charles Village Pub on the corners of York Road and Joppa Road to hang with the girls from Towson State.

On the weekends head to Fells Point, a bar town on the corners of Eastern Ave and Broadway in South Baltimore, if you are in the mood to do some work. Bohagers, 723, Moby's, Greene Turtle, and Rodo's are the best bars and clubs here, along with Bay Cafe on Boston Street on Sunday afternoons, when it's warm outside. When it gets late on Friday and Saturday nights, check out Club 1722 on Joppa Road, the after-hours club in Towson.

Fort Lauderdale, FL, USA

November 8, 2021

9.5

The Doctor

If you get sick of Miami's pretentiousness or can't stand that salsa and meringue echoing in your ears anymore, retreat northward to Ft. Lauderdale. There lie beautiful girls as well, but they are distinctly American. Check it out in the daytime during the academic year.

Fort Lauderdale's shopping district is centered on Sawgrass Mills and Los Olas Blvd, and there are plenty of girls here out and about.

Many of Fort Lauderdale's best clubs are located on the corners of Sunrise and North Ocean Boulevards and on the oceanfront strip along Atlantic Blvd., where the beaches, bars, and babes abide. My favorite places include Elbow Room, Hooters, LuLu’s, and Exit 66.

Downtown Lauderdale has really evolved as a place to meet women.  Automatic Slims (especially on college night Thursdays during the school year), Americas Back Yard, Himmarshee, Side Bar, Brick, Briny Pub, Cayote Ugly, Hooka Bar, VooDoo (Ladies night on Thursdays) and Tarpin Bend are awesome for the ladies. 

For great food and drinks early, hot waitresses, and more mature women, do Bova Prime and Yolo on Las Olas.  The hottest women in Fort Lauderdale work on the weekends, so be sure you know how to hit on the help, player boy.

The best strip clubs here are Pure Platinum, Solid Gold (with crazy acrobatic shows twice nightly), but nearby Tootsies is the best of the best.

Huntsville, AL, USA

November 9, 2021

8

The Doctor

Huge college town. Lots of beautiful girls. Check out the campus of the University of Alabama at Huntsville during the day when all the beautiful girls are roaming between classes.

If you can't make it during the day, check the evening shift on the weekends at the local Hooters. It's superb and right around the corner from campus.

Every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night, the bars and clubs at the Bridge Street Town Center are just overflowing with beautiful girls. In general they are super friendly and very outgoing.

Austin, TX, USA

November 1, 2021

9.5

The Doctor

Austin hands down has the most beautiful women in Texas.

The action in Austin centers on 4th, 5th and 6th Streets where all the collegiates from the University of Texas at Austin and Texas State roam. The girls at this school are unbelievable, probably the best in all the South. If you have to pick one day out of the year to party here, let it be Halloween. If you can get yourself invited to a fraternity party on campus on Halloween, you will know what I am talking about.

If you like to drink, head downtown on a Thursday. Bars like Pete's Peanut Shack have ridiculous drink specials.  It's an alcoholic's dream. The entire weekend is amazing from Thursday to Saturday.

The Hooters on Riverside is excellent—lots of beautiful women. The Ranch, Iron Cactus, The Library, and Friends are some of my favorites, but you literally can just pick a random spot on any of these streets and find a good time. Everything is within walking distance.

For the best adult entertainment in Austin, head to Sugar's or the Yellow Rose. The clubs are significantly better than the ones in Houston.

Nearby Lake Travis or Lake Austin is the place to be on summer weekends. The Hula Hut - affectionately nicknamed the “butt hut” - is the best place on Lake Austin. Water Lu Ice House, Little Woodrows in Hill Country Galleria and Steiner Ranch Steak House in Lake Travis on Thursdays aren’t too bad. Oasis on Lake Travis is a great place for a date. Sunday brunch here is legendary.  This is where hot Texas girls go when they want to show off their bodies in the summertime. Try Carlos and Charlie’s on Lake Travis later afternoon on Saturdays and Sundays in the summer, when the water level is up.  Lake Travis can get really low due to drought, making tourism slow. You won’t be disappointed.

Boulder, CO, USA

November 2, 2021

9

The Doctor

The University of Colorado in nearby Boulder is where to find the most beautiful women in Colorado.

Besides the university, the Pearl Street Mall is the place to work your magic. This small pedestrian street is lined with shops, eateries, and bars. Don't even think about lighting up - there is no smoking allowed anywhere indoors within the city limits.

The best bars on Pearl Street include the Rio Grande, Marquee, and Potters. As usual in college towns, the best nights are Thursdays, as many students head to Denver or to the mountains on the weekend to take part in outdoor activities.

The locals you will meet in the summertime are very Scandinavian looking and pretty alternative. Everything is clean and safe and there is almost no crime. Everyone is in shape. They eat right, jog, hike, rollerblade, and power walk. If you're looking for beautiful, fit, and active, you've come to the right place!

I came here once with a friend of mine named John. Now John is a big, strong guy and a violent drunk; never a good combination. He got pissed one night at a girl who blew him off for some hippie dipshit who lived in the back of his Volkswagen smelled as if he hadn't showered in a week. Well, John felt as though enough was enough, and on his way back to the fraternity house at CU, he decided to let everyone know how mad he was. Although he was about 100 yards away and out of sight, I could hear the trail of destruction he was leaving behind. He kicked in the tire of a motorcycle, knocked down a sign, pulled off the door to one of those coin-operated newspaper dispensers, and lifted up the back of a Honda Civic and put it on the sidewalk. Moral of the story? If you want to get girls in Boulder, be a hippie!