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GOD DAMN FACTOR

Seattle is a great place if you are into chicks who drink coffee, dig rainy weather, and are into alt-rock. This is a very young and alternative city that spawned groups like Nirvana and Pearl Jam back in the day. It rains 270 days of the year here which is quite depressing. Seattle is where grunge was born, which means nobody dresses well and are pierced and tatted. Seattle is the home of Microsoft and Boeing, so the city is practically overrun with computer geeks and engineering nerds.  You can probably convince a lot of girls to go out with you if you just pretend to be a rich Microsoft exec. Your next best bet is to pierce your nose, get a visible tattoo and carry around a guitar.

At least the University of Washington keeps the coeds in supply year-round. They can be found on University Way and its side streets, the Queen Anne neighborhood, and Pioneer Square.

Dream Girls is the best strip club in town. 

A kicker bar called Cow Girls is kind of a knock-off of Coyote Ugly, with cute girls in Daisy Duke shorts dancing on tables.  It's hard to talk to them though as they go through their routines. At least they're decent to look at while they short-pour your overpriced drinks.

If you get tired of mediocre waitresses ignoring your drink order to finish their dance routines, head to Trinity and the Last Supper Club in Pioneer Square. The closest thing to real action in Seattle is the L. A.-wannabe nightclubs in Belltown: Amber, Frontier Room, Cellars, and Belltown Billiards. Surprisingly, there are plenty of hot women to be found in these places but don’t bother coming on any night other than Friday or Saturday. Don't be fooled by the fresh tans, they're really not from LA. The tanning salons do a thriving business here since it rains so much. Sometimes you'll find some Canadians coming down on the weekends to party, and they're usually pretty cool.

The Hooters over by Chandlers Cove is interesting if you are into that sort of thing. Right next door is Joey's, which generally has hot waitresses and decent food with a view of the Cove. If you snag one of the waitresses, take her to the Citrus Club around the corner from Joey's. If it's really late, head to 13 Coins Restaurant, which has good food and is open 24/7, making it a mad house after the bars and clubs close.

For a change of pace, go to the Westlake Center during the day. In this downtown shopping district, you will find pretty women, with no tats or piercing and dressed well. All the typical stores and chain restaurants are there. Go after school or work during the week and on the weekends and you won't be disappointed.

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Seattle, WA, USA

November 15, 2021

7.5

God Damn Factor

Seattle is a great place if you are into chicks who drink coffee, dig rainy weather, and are into alt-rock. This is a very young and alternative city that spawned groups like Nirvana and Pearl Jam back in the day. It rains 270 days of the year here which is quite depressing. Seattle is where grunge was born, which means nobody dresses well and are pierced and tatted. Seattle is the home of Microsoft and Boeing, so the city is practically overrun with computer geeks and engineering nerds.  You can probably convince a lot of girls to go out with you if you just pretend to be a rich Microsoft exec. Your next best bet is to pierce your nose, get a visible tattoo and carry around a guitar.

At least the University of Washington keeps the coeds in supply year-round. They can be found on University Way and its side streets, the Queen Anne neighborhood, and Pioneer Square.

Dream Girls is the best strip club in town. 

A kicker bar called Cow Girls is kind of a knock-off of Coyote Ugly, with cute girls in Daisy Duke shorts dancing on tables.  It's hard to talk to them though as they go through their routines. At least they're decent to look at while they short-pour your overpriced drinks.

If you get tired of mediocre waitresses ignoring your drink order to finish their dance routines, head to Trinity and the Last Supper Club in Pioneer Square. The closest thing to real action in Seattle is the L. A.-wannabe nightclubs in Belltown: Amber, Frontier Room, Cellars, and Belltown Billiards. Surprisingly, there are plenty of hot women to be found in these places but don’t bother coming on any night other than Friday or Saturday. Don't be fooled by the fresh tans, they're really not from LA. The tanning salons do a thriving business here since it rains so much. Sometimes you'll find some Canadians coming down on the weekends to party, and they're usually pretty cool.

The Hooters over by Chandlers Cove is interesting if you are into that sort of thing. Right next door is Joey's, which generally has hot waitresses and decent food with a view of the Cove. If you snag one of the waitresses, take her to the Citrus Club around the corner from Joey's. If it's really late, head to 13 Coins Restaurant, which has good food and is open 24/7, making it a mad house after the bars and clubs close.

For a change of pace, go to the Westlake Center during the day. In this downtown shopping district, you will find pretty women, with no tats or piercing and dressed well. All the typical stores and chain restaurants are there. Go after school or work during the week and on the weekends and you won't be disappointed.

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New Orleans, LA, USA

November 11, 2021

7

The Doctor

New Orleans, Louisiana and the famed Mardi Gras celebration which happens the three weeks preceding the Lenten season in February is usually near the top of any world travelers itinerary. During the last week of Mardi Gras festivities, the city is absolutely packed. There are parades every day and drinking and merry-making all night, every night.

The recipe for having a great time at Mardi Gras is to take a bunch of your good buddies, find some hot girls, add alcohol, plastic beads, and, Voila! So what if most of the girls here aren't the most beautiful, it's worth going to Mardi Gras for the pure entertainment value of trying to see just how much you can get away with. You won't sleep, so expect an upper respiratory infection. You will hook up, so expect other types of infections if you aren't careful.

If your idea of a good time is drinking with a bunch of other guys and hitting on mostly unattractive women who like to show off their bodies, stick their tongues down your throat or get frisky for plastic beads, you're going to have a blast. Yes, big, colorful beads possessed by the revelers at Mardi Gras are to be given in exchange for all sorts of favors. If a girl likes your beads (or you, more importantly), she'll ask you what she has to do to get some of them. Or better yet, find someone you like and ask her what she's willing to do for some beads. You can ask her to do anything you want. Use your imagination.

City officials promptly put a stop to the madness at 12:00 midnight on Fat Tuesday, so don't bother staying one minute longer than that, unless you got lucky and met one of the few beautiful girls to be found in Louisiana.

A word to the wise; Be careful. Remember that New Orleans is the city where the police get busted for dealing drugs and putting contracts out on witnesses, so you can imagine what the bad guys are like.

If you visit New Orleans at any time other than Mardi Gras, which is held the three weeks before Ash Wednesday and the Lenten season every year, head down to the French Quarter for some decent food before heading to Texas and points further west. The women here aren't the most attractive, but at least they can cook.

Pat Obrien's on Saint Peter Street, Cooter's on Carrolton Ave, the Maple Leaf on Oak Street, and Miss Mae's on Magazine Street are decent bars, whenever you may visit.

The best strip club is the Gold Cup on Iberville.

Santa Barbara, CA, USA

November 15, 2021

10

The Doctor

Don't miss out on visiting Santa Barbara just north of LA. It's fun and packed with beautiful women from all over California. Santa Barbara, along with nearby Malibu, is where Baywatch was filmed, to give you an idea of what you're working with.

During the academic year, it's packed with gorgeous college girls. In the summertime, the less pretentious Californians come here on the weekends to get away from LA.

Santa Barbara is probably my favorite city in the US because it reminds me of the Basque country in Europe. There's a big university - the University of California at Santa Barbara out on La Isla Vista, which should be named La Isla de Chica Finita; a great nightlife, which centers in and around State Street; and beautiful girls. Half of the girls I saw on the campus of UCSB or out on State Street from Thursday through Saturday night turned my head. On top of all that, the beach on La Isla Vista is packed with UCSB girls when it's hot outside.

I went to a fraternity party on campus here one year and I almost didn't leave. Going to Harvard was definitely not worth missing out on fours years of this. And oh, did I mention? If you think the girls at UCSB were hot, take a walk over to Santa Barbara City College just off of Shoreline Beach by State Street. The girls who were too hot and not bright enough to get into UCSB are all here. Santa Barbara gets the best GDF score in the US!

Boston, MA, USA

November 1, 2021

8

The Doctor

Boston is the place to be if you want to meet beautiful girls in the Northeast US. There are about 60 colleges and universities in the Boston/Cambridge area and close to half a million students— about half of whom are women. Even for those of you who failed 1st grade math, it's obvious that that is a lot of potential dates!

For the best experience in this area, head to Boston College, Tufts University, Boston University, and Northeastern University. Thursday night is the best night to go out in this perennial college town. Go to a fraternity party at a big university here, if you can.

The good thing about Boston is that there are a lot of girls' schools (aka. women's colleges) close by, like Leslie, Wellesley, Simmons, Wheelock, and Mt. Holyoke. After a long week of being on a single-sex campus, the coeds want nothing more than to get the hell off campus and head to a party at Harvard, BU, or MIT to meet up with some guys.

The bad thing about Boston (and in fact the whole Northeast) is that it's cold. There's not much to do other than sit on your ass, eat, drink beer, and get fat. Whether warm or cold, Faneuil Hall, Quincy Market, and Little Italy are humming, so this is where I'd head if I was you! These locales are full of places to shop, eat and drink and are conveniently concentrated in a small area.

During the academic year, these places have a nice mix of pre-collegiate, collegiate, and post-collegiate-aged people walking around. The girls in the bars in these areas of town come nightfall tend to be post-collegiate. They've got real jobs and real responsibilities, so adjust your rap accordingly. Those sophomoric lines you use on campus may not work well for you at 2 am on a Tuesday night with some of the post-grad girls.

Newberry and Landsdowne Streets, Kendall Square, and Harvard Square in nearby Cambridge are more collegiate nocturnal haunts. The perennial favorite hangouts are Dad's on Newberry Street, Avalon, Axis, Jake Ivory's, Mam Kins, and Julians - all on Landsdowne Street in Kendall Square.

If you want to get dressed up and head to clubs packed full of Boston cheese, check out the Roxy on Tremont in the Theatre District or Avenue C on Newberry Street. The Zanzibar on Boylston Place and Emily's on Winter tend to attract the girls without the fromage. Head to the Alley Cat for a more fraternity-like atmosphere or the Mercury Bar for the alternative chicks. They're on Newberry Street. Tia's on the wharf and Clarke's in Faneuil Hall are typical meat markets.

If you are curious about what Harvard girls are like, head to the Crimson Grill on JFK in nearby Cambridge (it's right across the Charles River). But first, hit the Hong Kong Restaurant in Harvard Square and down one of their infamous scorpion bowls. The girls will look much better afterward. Russell Tavern, Grendel's Den, M Restaurant and Lounge, Tommy, The Red House, Shays Pub and Wine Bar, and Noir are all relatively decent places. Who knows? You may wind up hanging out with the future CEO of a Fortune 500 company.

Philadelphia, PA, USA

November 11, 2021

8.5

The Doctor

Philadelphia is where the thirteen colonies ratified the Declaration of Independence and freed themselves from British rule. Maybe they knew what we do about English girls! This city is very Italian. Your competition is sporting a big-ass, cheesy gold chain, a tank top, tanning salon complexion, complete with well-moussed hair and dark jacket. I know, because a lot of my best friends are Italian, and I've seen them this way, despite all my teasing and prodding them in the direction of good taste.

The nightlife here is great though, and there are always some stunning women in the bars and clubs. These places are typical meat markets and are no place for the timid, so adjust your game accordingly and do your best to set yourself apart. That is best accomplished by walking upright, having a high school diploma, no criminal record, and driving anything other than a Camaro. Oh, and a suit would help.

During the day, if you are in the mood to check out the girls in Philly, head to University City (which looks more like a prison than a city), the home of some not-so-bad-looking girls at Drexel.

On the weekends, the places to be in Philadelphia are in and around South Street and Christopher Columbus Boulevard (called Delaware Avenue by the locals). Try Cafe Limbo and Mako's on South Street or Gothum, Spring Garden, and Rock Lobster on Christopher Columbus Blvd. Alternatively, head to the Irish Pub on Walnut St. and 20th, Trocadero on Arch Street, Xero on 4th Street, 111 on Chesnut and 3rd, Shampoo and the Bank on 8th.

Take note: the Italian girls here dress well and like to be spoiled by the men they meet while out on the town. You've got to open the wallet a little.

If you have access to a car or know someone with a ride, head just outside of Philadelphia to the Manayunk area and the River Deck Cafe for happy-hour late in the workweek.

Fort Lauderdale, FL, USA

November 8, 2021

9.5

The Doctor

If you get sick of Miami's pretentiousness or can't stand that salsa and meringue echoing in your ears anymore, retreat northward to Ft. Lauderdale. There lie beautiful girls as well, but they are distinctly American. Check it out in the daytime during the academic year.

Fort Lauderdale's shopping district is centered on Sawgrass Mills and Los Olas Blvd, and there are plenty of girls here out and about.

Many of Fort Lauderdale's best clubs are located on the corners of Sunrise and North Ocean Boulevards and on the oceanfront strip along Atlantic Blvd., where the beaches, bars, and babes abide. My favorite places include Elbow Room, Hooters, LuLu’s, and Exit 66.

Downtown Lauderdale has really evolved as a place to meet women.  Automatic Slims (especially on college night Thursdays during the school year), Americas Back Yard, Himmarshee, Side Bar, Brick, Briny Pub, Cayote Ugly, Hooka Bar, VooDoo (Ladies night on Thursdays) and Tarpin Bend are awesome for the ladies. 

For great food and drinks early, hot waitresses, and more mature women, do Bova Prime and Yolo on Las Olas.  The hottest women in Fort Lauderdale work on the weekends, so be sure you know how to hit on the help, player boy.

The best strip clubs here are Pure Platinum, Solid Gold (with crazy acrobatic shows twice nightly), but nearby Tootsies is the best of the best.

Aspen, CO, USA

October 29, 2021

7

The Doctor

Damn!  This place is full of lots of bougie, rich people.  When you fly in on your commercial flight, check out the sea of the private jets lining the runways. It’s expensive to fly here. It’s expensive to stay here. It’s expensive to live here. It’s expensive to ski and snowboard here. It’s expensive to eat here. It’s expensive to drink here. And that’s the way the people here like to keep it - rich, white, and exclusive. 

There's nothing to do during the day but hit the slopes, where if you are super lucky, you may meet some hot girl on the mountain or on the ski lift.  As an alternative, you can hit up La Creperie Du Village or Ajax Tavern for lunch at the base of Aspen Mountain.

You may spot some hot cougars up here 7900 feet above sea level, where the alcohol hits them harder—vacationing with their ex-husband's money.  Aspen is way too family-oriented for the typical college-aged girl.  Occasionally you may run across some hot daughters of the rich, white guys and their trophy wives up here.  But it’ll be tough trying to get them away from the watchful eyes of Mommy and Daddy.  If you are willing, you can get contact info and follow up with the hot daughters when they are back home or back at college.

If you bring your own girl to Aspen (as I always do), take her to White House Tavern for a great meal, L’Hosteria for overpriced, average Italian food, Clark's Oyster Bar for an oceanic aphrodisiac, or Su Casa for some solid Mexican.

The nightlife here mostly consists of bars—The Red Onion, Zane's Tavern, J-Bar, and Eric’s (which is like 4 things in one—a restaurant, pool hall, a bar, and a lounge). There is one nightclub here with lots of dudes looking for the same thing you are. It’s called Escobar Aspen. It’s underground with a decent bar and a tiny dance floor.