September 27, 2021
This place is so out of the way that you will have to spend at least 2-4 weeks here to justify making the long plane trip from the US or Europe. There's plenty to do in Sydney, especially with the Olympics coming here in 2000. And with Melbourne's close by, you can easily spend a good long time here without being bored. So no worries about lingering longer, mate. Australian women are fun, rivaling the Swedes for the title of "coolest chicks on earth". They have accents. They're rowdy. They drink. They swear. They root— that's Australian for runkle! They are proud of the fact that they are descended from criminals. Remember, Australia was used by the English as the world's largest debtor prison, when British aristocracy ruled this continent. Not much here reminds you of England though, except for the nightlife. Like the English, the Australians are very much into their music and love those theme parties and raves made so famous in London. Unfortunately, the Australians have also inherited English weather being that it rains down here a whole lot in the summertime. Surprisingly, there are a lot of foreigners here, many from Greece and Asia, especially Japan whose ex-patriots bought everything they could, when they first arrived. So much so, that the Australian government banned the further sale of land to those residents not of Australian birth. So if you think that there would be no international flavor "down under", you will be pleasantly surprised. In addition to having some variety in the mix, Sydney has a great beach, a great nightlife, great women and all the excitement of a city expecting the greatest celebration in all of sport, the Olympic Games— coming here in the new millenium. The Olympics gives this country a chance to really showcase what Australia is really all about, and everyone is taking it seriously. Do your damnedest to bee here if it's at all possible. If you can't make it for the big party, check out an Australian Rules football game. With its "no padding allowed" and "no hospitalization necessary, no harm done" philosophy, it puts the American football to shame. This sport is often blamed for the reason many of Australia's residents act like "slowies". Head to one of the many beaches here in Sydney during the day in the summertime and scam on the chicas. The best places to try out your opening line on the topless sunbathers are on Manly Beach and Bondi Beach. If you don't wake up in time to catch the babes sunbathing, head over to the boardwalk or Centennial Park late afternoon, when all the babes get off work and head there to jog or roller blade. All of Sydney's best nightlife centers on Oxford Street and its side streets. Pool is the craze these days in Australia. Everyone plays, especially on Fridays. So go find a chick who can handle her stick (and hopefully yours) at the numerous pool pubs around this section of the city, the best of which is Planet Pool on the corner of Resort and Broadway. Early night, head to Soho on Victoria Street and the Underground Cafe on Bayswater Road and get tanked. On the weekends the Banta Room on Oxford, the Bentley Bar on Crown Street and the' Retro on Angel Place are among the better clubs in the city. If you enjoyed runkling that drunk chick on ecstasy in London, and you want to see if you can pull off a similar stunt down under, then contact SPARCI'S. That stands for the Sydney Party, Rave and Club Information Service, which publishes free information on the Internet to those who desire to frequent this scene.
Let me just write something quick about Hawaii, since there are a lot of you who will consider coming here for a visit. Yes, it is a gorgeous island with beaches better than anywhere in the world (except, Waikiki, which sucks), but so what? If you are looking for women (and of course you are), this is not the place. All of the Asian business men and US military personnel have doomed the bars and clubs in Honolulu to an absolutely horrible ratio. In fact, the only good-looking women here seem to be the prostitutes and the girlfriends of the surfer punks who come here to the North side of the island for the best surfing in the world. The fat, pale tourists from the mainland US, the skinny, pale tourists from Asia and the fat, dark-skinned, native Hawaiians are all that's available. I never could quite figure out whether prostitution was legal here or just tolerated, but there is a perfect environment for it. Lots of rich, business men and military types who have been away at sea for months on a boat full of other men, who've all been recently paid and are horny as hell. It's expensive to live in Hawaii ($8US for a box of Corn Flakes), so the prostitutes here have to make enough money to cover living expenses. Consequently, Hawaii has some of the most beautiful prostitutes in the entire world. But like I keep saying, don't do it man. It's risky, it's expensive and you just shouldn't have to pay for something you should be able to get for free. Dukes on Kalakaua Avenue every Sunday afternoon is the only place where you have any chance of hooking up (for free) in Honolulu. This bar has been here forever and will be there until the whole damn island sinks or blows up, whatever comes first. Other hangouts can be found on the corners of Kalakaua and Kapiolani Ave by Waikiki or on Bishop by the US military installation. Try the Wave on Kalakaua, the Pink Cadillac on Ena and if all else fails, there's a Hooters on Bishop. Head to the University of Hawaii during the day from September to May for a taste of Asia without leaving the United States. Luckily while I was there I met a beautiful, English girl at the youth hostel. (Yes, I said beautiful English girl.) She was doing a bit of traveling of her own. We hung out at Dukes one night. Then we took a drive out to the North side of the Island around 2am. The beach was deserted, the water was warm and the only light came from the moon. As the she was trying to decide whether or not she was going to go for a swim in her birthday suit, I made the move and dropped trough. She said, "Gee, I've never seen an American willie before." (I hope she wasn't disappointed.) And she came in with me. Soon after, I came in her. Things are better for the wandering PB on other islands of Hawaii, like Maui, Kauai or the "Big Island" of Hawaii. I think Maui would be the best of the three, since there are so many people who come here for vacation each year. There you will hopefully find pale, not so fat American tourist scamper year round. They are invariably on package vacations and staying at one of the many resorts on this island.
Melbourne has a great beach and nightlife too. It's very close to Sydney and easily accessible by public transport for those who bother leaving Sydney***. You really have to know someone who lives there to justify the trip to Perth. This small city is on the West Coast of Australia. It's a long, expensive plane ride from either of the larger cities on the East Coast and is a favorite stopover for the U.S. Navy personnel while on tour in the South Pacific, so beware the poor ratios at Perth's most happening night spots at certain times of the year. Still for my Navy buddies who've made the trip and had shore leave in Perth, this place was paradise. But then again, what do you expect to hear from a bunch of guys stuck on a ship with other men for months on end?