September 27, 2021
After Amsterdam and Rotterdam move onto the better university towns of Utrecht, Gronigen and Leiden. All of which are big university towns packed with beautiful and reasonable friendly Dutch chicks you have to stand on your toes to talk to. My favorite city in Holland by far is Utrecht. This place rocks in contrast to the "let's hang out and drink, talk and get stoned" mentality of the rest of Holland (save some good clubs in Amsterdam). There are some damn beautiful women here, mostly students and young professionals. The best bars and discos are situated down by the canal on Oudegracht Weerdzijde and Ouderkhof. The Shira and Sheeva Clubs here are perennial favorites, which are absolutely packed on the weekends. Like in Spain, every girl is smokin' hot, dressed well and is debunking every conceivable gravitational theory known to man, out there shaking them things on the dance floor. Wu! There is also a huge mall that is actually part of the central train station just west of here where you can scam during the day. The university is actually way out in the boon docks surrounded by farm country. Don't bother unless you are going to stay for a while. Unfortunately, the only youth hostel in this town is also way the hell out here. By you never know. You may get lucky and take a roll in the hay with one of the many fine farm girls turned collegiate coeds who are so numerous out there! The thing that struck me about this town was that fact that I had never seen more squids with gorgeous women for girlfriends anywhere else in my entire life. I met this 15-year-old Turkish kid who showed me around town one night. (The Turks are damn hospitable people by the way.) He brought me to all the good clubs, introduced me to his friends and took it upon himself to make sure that I had a good time, which of course meant I had to get runkled by one of the local chicks. We went through many gorgeous candidates that night or more accurately that morning, all of whom were eventually joined by their boyfriends who looked like they (had they lived anywhere else on Earth) should feel lucky just to masturbate while fantasizing about girls who looked this good. My new buddy, Amir, facilitated all interactions with the females out that night by making the first move on all sorties in my name. He arranged back-up, took care of many would-be Mother Theresa's guarding the entrances to their beautiful friends and also talked me up like a champion copilot. Thankfully, we met several worthy, unattached Amazon-sized, Zeena types, one of which decided to step up to the plate and make my decision of who to runkle an easy one. But hooking up with her meant that I would miss the last bus back to that damn youth hostel! Amir said, "No problem my friend!" At 4:30 in the morning, this kid rode his bike two miles out of town, picked up my stuff at the youth hostel and pedaled three miles to this chick's apartment to drop it off. It took him about an hour. He even waited patiently outside the door until the squealing stopped, mine— not hers. Remember how big these girls are. Now that my friends, is a wingman! The best time to visit is on the weekend during the school year. But there will always be plenty of booty around no mater when you visit, as there are also a ton of young professionals working in Utrecht year round.
The best city to go in Germany for women is Hamburg. Hamburg is my favorite for two reasons: It has its own red-light district (although no where near as famous as Amsterdam's), and the women here are good-looking by German standards due to its proximity to Scandinavia and mixing of the gene pool. The gene pool down in the red-light district needs a little chlorine, so be careful! On top of that this is a hot spot for the modeling industry during the summer time, as are Paris and Milan. It's expensive here, but if you really want to see the best that Germany offers as far as women are concerned, open up the wallet a be ready to drop a little cash. The red light district centers on Herbertstrabe. This place is unique in as far as I know, it is the only place in the world (the US Navy's Tailhook bash aside) where according to municipal law women are absolutely, positively not allowed to go, unless of course they're working. (All working women have to show a permit in order to enter this neighborhood.) Yes, Germans take their runkling very seriously. Like Amsterdam, Honolulu and Las Vegas this is a great place to be, if you support the world's oldest profession. There is a perfect atmosphere here: lots of sailors and business businessmen, due to the Hamburg's enormous port. If you are going to check out one titty bar here, let it be Safari on the Repeerbahn. A ton of babe-watching can be done in the big shopping districts of Bleichenhof, SpitalerstraBe and Hanseviertel, along with the multitude of cafes in and around Jungfernstieg and Gansemarkt Plazas, Grobneumarkt, Rodningsmarkt and Rathaus Square. The best place to go at nighttime is without a doubt the Reeperbahn in the St. Pauli District. Yes, this is where St. Pauli beer comes from. This street houses many places of ill and not so ill repute and is the destination of most travelers to Hamburg who are in search of a little YP they don't have to pay for. My favorites are Grobe Freiheit 36 and the Mojo Club on the Reeperbahn and the Havana Bar by the Fish Market. The YP can be found by the university on Grindelalee and Schanzenstrabe especially at Cafe Schone Aussichten on Gorch-Frock-Wall.
Perhaps most beautiful women in Italy live and work in cosmopolitan Milan, especially in the summer when the modeling season is in high gear. Milan is a pretentious place though, and it can be dangerous. But the babes can be outrageous! During the day, check out Mesopotamia and its designer shops. Therein lie plenty o' babes moonlighting from their preferred modeling careers. Be sure to check out the Cathedral, the first mall in the world to be built entirely under a glass dome. This city is quiet in the summertime unless you know anyone involved in the modeling industry and can get into private parties thrown here at all the Mafioso clubs in this town. That's because the local honeys generally escape the heat and humidity by heading to the beach. The best nightlife in Milan can be found in the Porta Ticinese and Piazza Vetra early evening and on the Via Brera late night. But bring a lot of money if you want to prowl the nightlife here. It's expensive. Try Madame Claude on Via Borgogna, New Zimba on Via Natale Battaglia, Plastic on Viale Umbria or Open House on Via Carducci for a start.
Heidelburg is Germany's college town. It's small and easily navigated. There are more than enough bars, clubs and discos to go around once and then some. The place to be during the day is in and around campus. Later on in the afternoon, head are the streets of Hauptstrabe, Unterestrabe and the side streets of Marketplatz to work the local chicas who frequent the countless cafes in this area. My favorites are Marstall right by the university and the Max Bar in the Marketplatz. The Blue Note on Neckarstaden, along with Seppl'l and Club 1900 on Hauptstrabe are the best places to scam on German female students when night falls on the weekend. Hopefully, some will have great stomachs, and will be willing to give you a demonstration of their "Traci Lords Ultimate Abs Workout!"
Now I'm the kind of guy who likes to save the best for last, but in this case, I'll make an exception. Spain is hands down (and Johnsons up!) one of the best countries for women in the entire world. Spanish women are beautiful, and every city in this country is full of them. Madrid, Seville and Barcelona rock from autumn 'til spring, and the beaches of Ibiza and the Costa del Sol are crazy in the summertime. Each one of these places has its own personality and is very different. Thankfully, the one thing they have in common is being home to some damn, fine chicas. Some things to keep in mind: Life is different here. The Spanish think of work as something they have to do to make money, so that they can have fun when they're not working. When they get a pay raise, they cut back on their hours, so that they can have more time to enjoy themselves. Now that's a work ethic I can relate to! Keep in mind also that appearances are extremely important to the Spanish. You have got to look your best to do well here. That means for all you backpacking PB's, do some laundry before exploring the nightlife. Ditch the baseball cap and the Nike's, and wear long pants and decent shoes. Trust me on this one. This ain't Seattle, Grunge boy! Your efforts will be well worth it. The Spanish are definitely not shy about public displays of affection. Take a walk through Retiro Park, Madrid on a warm Saturday afternoon in the springtime. You can't walk ten feet without stepping on some Spanish couple making out hot and heavy with the men never "releasing their hostages" on the park grounds. Some of these couples stay there and make out for hours and hours. Muchas pelotas azules [blue balls]. Aycaramba) Spanish girls are not the easiest girls to rankle. Traditionally, they are very strictly Catholic, but the attitudes towards sex are changing, slowly. Spain like some other European countries has an awesome tradition which other places, like the US, Australia and Asia, don't. Members of the opposite sex kiss each other when they meet. This is a good thing, a very good thing. So while in Spain, so as not to seem like an idiot, the way you carry out a proper Spanish kiss is as follows: kiss her right cheek and then her left at such an angle that she can kiss you too. Make it seem familiar and natural to you, and whatever you do, don't pop a stiffy. This is bad form, very bad form. Plus, it'll take the pleats right out of your newly pressed pantalones. When I asked a Spanish girl why the Spanish kiss each cheek, she said to me, "That's so one cheek won't be jealous of the other!" A perfect answer, if I ever heard one. I felt like asking her, if her breasts were jealous that I'd kissed her cheeks. As is obvious with this example, the Spanish don't ignore their sexuality, they celebrate it. The rest of the world can learn an important lesson from them. Madrid is unbelievable. It's a great party town. The people here just don't sleep. It's like R.E.M. stands for "Runkle Every Muchacha you can". So while you're here do as the locals do and stay up. You can sleep when you're dead. This city reminds me of New York, but with better-looking women. It's big, there's loads of fun to be had and the "city never sleeps". Unfortunately, some of the residents also have the attitude of New Yorkers. But with some effort on your part to be friendly, avoid seeming like an undesirable foreign tourist and trying out your high school Spanish, you're going to have a blast with the babes. Oddly enough, the one phrase I remember from high school, "Donde es la biblioteca, abuelaV [Where is the library, grandma?], never did get me runkled. A typical weekday for the residents of Madrid consists of getting up late, going to work or school, eating lunch, taking a siesta (very necessary in the summertime to avoid the scorching daytime heat), going back to work or school, then out for tapas (small dishes of food served at bars), then dinner, then out to the bars until around 2am. From Thursday 'til Sunday the schedule is slightly modified. They'll take a nap after dinner, hit the bars around 12am and the discos around 3 am and then possibly after hours clubs. That's right. I said 3am! If they have to work the next day, they'll often just go straight from the clubs to work. This explains why the women who ride the subways in the morning oftentimes look like they just stepped off the pages of Vogue or Cosmo. If you're actually awake during the day, check out Retiro Park, Puerta del Sol, Plaza de Santa Anna, Plaza Mayor, Placio Real and the Prado Museum, which like the Louvre in Paris is packed with hot tourist booty, mostly from the US and Australia. Alternatively head to the shopping districts around the Calle Princesa and the Gran Via where you'll find the honeys shopping for even hotter outfits. Don't forget the local YP at the University of Madrid in and around Arguelles and Moncloa. Higher education never looked so good! The best places to go early evening are the streets off of the Plaza Mayor (especially Cuchilleros Street for its famed cave bars, which are cheap, cool and fun), Puerta del Sol and Plaza San Martin. The students hang out in the cheaper bars by the university, especially in Arguelles, Malasana, Chueca and Bilboa. Later on head to the many bars and clubs in Malasaria, Huertas and Salamanca Districts. The names and decor change year to year, so just follow the noise or ask the locals. Try Revolver on Calle Galileo, Parador de la Moncloa on Calle Isaac Peral, Autores on Calle Campoamorum, Mykonos on Principe and Cerveceria Ratskeller, if you don't know where to start. The discos are where everyone goes late night, or more appropriately early morning. They are among the best in the entire world, as far as the quantity and quality of the babes is concerned. Don't show up before 2am or you will be alone to pass the time sipping on $12US drinks. The best of the best is Joy Eslava on Calle Arenal, Archy on Calle Marques de Riscal and Club Andy Warhol's on Calle Luchana. Katmandu on Senores de Luzan, Aqualung on Paseo de la Ermita del Santa, Villa Rosa in Plaza de Santa Anna, Theatro Kapital on Calle Atocha and Morocco on Calle Marques de Leganes are all close runner-ups. If you have a car or have access to one, check out Megacity, a huge club, which is actually outside the city limits on Centro Comercial Parque Corredor, and draws an enormous amount of people on the weekends. [Invite edits] Unlike other cities in Europe, it is better to stay at a hotel rather than a hostel, unless you are planning to hit on other chicks who are traveling. The hotels here are generally inexpensive, and you will definitely get more for your money and a little privacy to hook up with some Spanish booty. Hotels anywhere around the Plaza Mayor or the • Puerta del Sol will put you right in the middle of the action. You can't go wrong visiting this country no matter what time of year it is, but things slow down just a tad in the summer months.
Barcelona is another Spanish city that just rocks. It's situated in the Northeast of the Iberian Peninsula in a region of Spain called Catatonia. The advantage this city has over other big cities in Spain is that it has a beach. Now it's not a really beautiful beach, but a beach none the less. This means that in addition to the great nightlife typical of other Spanish cities, there are beautiful half-naked Spanish girls sunbathing on the shores of this city on warm summer days. After experiencing a day at the beach in Barcelona, I dare any country, except maybe the United States, to claim that its women have better breasts than the Catalunians. I coined the term "anti-gravity hooters" to describe to friends back home what I was seeing on that shores of Barcelona. There are some big women here with body parts that seem to defy Newton's laws, causing a subsequent anti-gravitational reaction in most men's groins. The Olympics may have been held here in 1992, but there is hardly "o' limp dick" to be found! Wu! In the summertime, definitely head to the beach during the day to scam on the babes. Spanish is understood, although of course, they prefer speaking Catalan. The best places to go early night in Barcelona can be found in a variety of places on Las Ramblas, Barri Gotic, the Placa Reial, Placa Catalunya, Cuitat Vella, and Port Olympic. They are all lined with pubs and bars and tons of people. Check out Districo Maritimo on Moll de la Fusta, Pachito in Puerto Olympic, Polyester on Estacio de Franca, Flat Cat on Calle Teodora la Madrid, Partycular on Auda Tibidabo, El Otro on Calle Valencia, Cafe Zurich on Placa Catalunya, Cafe de 1' Opera on Las Rablas and On/Off on Cami de la Fuxarda. The best discotecs in this city include, New York on Calle Escudellers, La Linea 6,25 on Calle Enric Grandees, Nits on Placa Joan Llongueres, Otto Zutz Club on Calle Lincoln, Apolo on Calle Nov de Rambla and Karma in Placa Reial. [Invite edits] Don't bother going out before 2am and beware. The club employees, especially the bouncers who guard the entrances, can have attitudes the put Madrid to shame. Some helpful hints on how to get into a club in Barcelona hassle free: dress well, go with a group (preferably one which includes women) and go with someone who speaks Catalan. If you are not a local, they'll know it and possibly charge you a higher cover charge and price for drinks. Apparently some Spaniards still recall Charles Barkley's nasty display at the '92 Summer Olympics in Barcelona, and no "les gustan los ugly Americanos!" Do your best to deal with the situations that arise. Barcelona is also big on warehouse parties and carpas, outdoor parties under tents in a wide open space somewhere. You definitely have to ask a local about these, their dates and locations. El Submari on Calle Fernando Poo and Firestiu on Placa de 1' Univers are where they have been held in the past. They are definitely very popular. So if the word is that all the local booty is heading for a certain locale on a certain night, check it out. If you do only one touristy thing while you're in Spain, let it be a visit to Monjuic (Mountain of the Jews), where the 1992 Olympic Games were held.
The Basque Country extends from Spain into the southwest region of France and includes the city of Biarritz. I already ranted and raved about the Basque Country in a previous section of this book, so I'll be brief in this one. Biarritz is cozy little beach town with some great surf to be conquered in its waters and some beautiful babes to be conquered on its shores. This explains why so many California ex-pats have immigrated here. The women here are just as beautiful as the Basques across the border. Beautiful, half-naked, friendly women, warm weather and a great nightlife. What more could you ask for? Check out the bars and clubs on the Rue de Port Vieux, Rue Mazagran and Avenue de Verdun and their side streets when night falls. You may never go home.