September 27, 2021
Venice is as romantic as Seville. That means you will feel like a squid, if you don't have a chick on your arm, as you walk or wade through Venice's roads and canals. Hopefully, you will be smart enough to have brought that girl you met in the French Riviera, and who, like you, is on her way to Greece. If you haven't runkled yet for lack of ambiance than you have come to the right place. Like Paris, Venice is organized (sort of) into districts and is divided in two by the Grand Canal. The unofficial center of the city is Piazza San Marco. Also like Paris, this city isn't cheap. So be careful with the cash. During the day check out the hordes of foreigner booty visiting places like the Accademia and Basilica dei Frari. The nightlife is how you may expect it to be in a quite, romantic city, very quiet and very romantic. Check out places off of the Campo della Maddalena or the Cannaregio and follow the noise.
The Basque Country extends from Spain into the southwest region of France and includes the city of Biarritz. I already ranted and raved about the Basque Country in a previous section of this book, so I'll be brief in this one. Biarritz is cozy little beach town with some great surf to be conquered in its waters and some beautiful babes to be conquered on its shores. This explains why so many California ex-pats have immigrated here. The women here are just as beautiful as the Basques across the border. Beautiful, half-naked, friendly women, warm weather and a great nightlife. What more could you ask for? Check out the bars and clubs on the Rue de Port Vieux, Rue Mazagran and Avenue de Verdun and their side streets when night falls. You may never go home.
The best time to be in Munich is during Octoberfest, not only to hit on beautiful, drunk German girls, but to hit on the beautiful, drunk, foreign tourists who come here every year. Who knows why, but Octoberfest usually begins in September and lasts 16 days. The exact dates change year to year so be sure to check your calendar before planning your itinerary. But be forewarned. Drinking beer is mainly a guy thing to do, even during Octoberfest, or rather especially during Octoberfest, so don't expect a "Blitzkreig of Booty!" The Haufbrau tent is the best place to scam on the chicas, since you can actually walk around as you like with a beer in hand— something you can't do at some of the other tents, where they won't even serve you unless you are sitting at table. Head to a club called the Hippodrome just a short stagger away, where the drunken go to party late night which for the Germans means until 1:00am. Surprisingly enough, this place looks like animal house meets Disneyland, since between all of the beer tents there are things like roller coasters and Ferris wheels to tempt the inebriated. It brought back memories of the very first time I got drunk. I was 13 years old. My buddies thought that it would be really funny to take me to the local playground, bounce me up and down on the see-saw and hang me upside-down on the monkey bars, until I puked. You don't have to come here during Octoberfest to drink beer. At any one time there are loads of people who flock to the popular watering holes here in Munich. The best places to drink are the Lawenbrau Keller on Nymphenburgerstrabe and the Hofbrauhaus in the Am Platz. At the Hofbrauhaus, you'll probably have your best shot at hooking up with the hundreds of foreign tourist booties that are here in this city at any one time. There you will find many other PB's and spermin' Germans trying to do the same thing as you— drink until the girls start to look good, and then do anything and everything possible to get runkled. Personally, my favorite German brew is Augustiner. You can get some at their beer hall on Arnulfstrabe. As long as you're in Munich anyway, check out the park at Englischer Garten where you can drink and watch half-naked, chubby German girls chase down errantly thrown Frisbees. This is basically a nudist beach without the beach, or a place for cellulite-ridden old Woodstock hippies to come to die. If nobody looks good to you, drink at the Chinesischer Turm Beer Garden (which is located in the park) until someone does. The big shopping district in Munich is on the Marienplatz so check it out if you want to meet some German girls who look better with their clothes on. Much of the best nightlife centers around Leopoldstrabe. The university is located in Schwabing, a suburb of Munich located west of the Englischer Garden. For the PB in search of quality German YP your best bet is to check out the honeys around Munchener Freiheit. Nachtwerk on Landesbergerstrabe is probably the best club around here on the weekends. The largest club in Munich is actually an old airport, which was converted to a concert hall/dance club. It's called Flughafen Riem on Togingerstrabe, and it has three main sections, all of which can accommodate several thousand people. Right next to it is a club called Ultraschall which opens when the Reim closes, so if you're the kind of person who like to party German style, while the rest of the country is attending church, this is the place for you. The Park Cafe on Sophienstrabe, like the one in Copenhagen, is pretty cool on the weekends also.
Gronigen is a hang out in a bar, drink cheap beer and scam on giant-sized girls kind of place in addition to being home of one of Holland's more popular universities. The main buildings of the university are just off of Academie Broer and Oude Boteringestraat. Head here during the day, walk in any direction and you are likely to run into a branch of the university, since it is disjointedly spread out all over the city. All of the good bars, and I mean all of them, are on Poelestraat and Peperstraat just off of the city's main square. Go door to door like a Jehovah's Witness and check each one out. Unlike a Jehovah's Witness, settle down where you find the best booty. The students mostly head home for the weekends. So being that this is basically a university town, be sure to visit during the week. As in most college towns, Thursday night is best. Plan your itinerary accordingly, unless you want to spend your time with the big-haired locals that take over the bar scene on the weekends. Herestraat is the main street while runs right through the city center. It's packed with stores, places to eat, and places to meet beautiful girls from Northern Holland. When it's warm outside, there are carnivals and outdoor markets in Vismarkt just west of here. Definitely be sure to check them out. There is an awful lot of mighty fine, local Dutch YP walking around.
Rotterdam is a much more laid back place than Amsterdam. People here like to hangout, listen to live music, kick back with a beer and casualy runkle. This used to be a large port town. These days the biggest imports tend to be drugs like heroin or ecstasy. I was walking along the peer one night and saw a bunch of people trying to step around this guy lying face down on the pavement— whacked out of his mind on drugs. I decided to play doctor and went over to see if I could help out. His sister was standing over him trying to revive him. An ambulance came. I got an IV started and gave him a shot of naloxone, and he perked right up. His sister thanked me, and later I got to play doctor again. I prescribed her a special injection of my very own! Who says you can't get any of us to make house calls anymore. Check out Oude Haven and Nieuwe Binnenweg and walk the streets in search of your very own Dutch treat in the stores, restaurants and cafes so numerous in these areas. Head to Westerpaviljoen on Matheneserlaan, Night Town on West Kruiskade or Beat Corner on Gravendijkwal to find your own patients, Dr. Runkle!
Heidelburg is Germany's college town. It's small and easily navigated. There are more than enough bars, clubs and discos to go around once and then some. The place to be during the day is in and around campus. Later on in the afternoon, head are the streets of Hauptstrabe, Unterestrabe and the side streets of Marketplatz to work the local chicas who frequent the countless cafes in this area. My favorites are Marstall right by the university and the Max Bar in the Marketplatz. The Blue Note on Neckarstaden, along with Seppl'l and Club 1900 on Hauptstrabe are the best places to scam on German female students when night falls on the weekend. Hopefully, some will have great stomachs, and will be willing to give you a demonstration of their "Traci Lords Ultimate Abs Workout!"
Ibiza is a summer island paradise for those who can afford it. This is the vacation playground for the "who's who" of Europe. Beautiful women, beautiful beaches, but hell expensive. Average coverage charge at most clubs on this island approaches $50US. But it may be worth the cost and the ferry ride from the mainland just for the women. Picture this: you're on the beach, and this rich, little Spanish girl with the ass of your dreams and the attitude of your nightmares is blowing you off. So you turn around and almost bump your head into the breast of the biggest, hottest Swedish chick you've ever seen. You turn around again and there is a group of Italians in their G-strings. This place is unbelievable. But let me warn you. Know somebody, dress well, look good in a bathing suit and bring lots of cash. You have got to take a ferry from mainland cities such as Barcelona or Valencia to get here. If miss your ferry on the way from the Costa del Sol and have to hang out in Valencia for a night, you may be able to check out some great nightlife in the Carme District and the Avenida Blasco Ibanez, especially District 10 on Calle General Elio and Parabola on Calle Gorgos. But as in Seville, this city is a lot more fun during the academic year when school is in session. Ibiza has two main sections, Eivissa and San Antonio. Thankfully, the name is all it shares with the boring American city of the same name. Eivissa is mostly frequented by the Spanish and Mediterranean types who keep the discos in business all night, while an San Antonio has mostly English and Northern European types who keep companies that make sun screen in business all day. In Ibiza as in any foreign city you visit, women should be the first priority. Here is a typical schedule in Ibiza: head to the beach from 1-5pm, eat and shop from 5-9pm, drink at the bars from 10-2am, hit the discos from 2-6am and then sleep 'til the afternoon. Some helpful advice: Watch out for the gay areas of town. Your bunghole will thank you for it. Realize that the women here like to dance and hook up, so don't be shy. Strap one on and roll up on whichever honey strikes your fancy. Everything is expensive, so watch the cash. To save some money and find out where to party, stay at the Hostel Residencia Sol y Brisa on Avenue Bartomeu and Romonara. It's cheap clean and next to the port. Head to the all-American favorites like Pizza Hut and Burger King, if you still want to have money to party with at the end of the day. The best beach by far is Platja de Ses Figures, where you will find lots of hot, half-naked women as its name would imply, along with plenty of sun and sand to go around. Platja de Figueretes, Platja des Duros and Platja de Talamanca aren't too bad either, but there's not as much YP. The best places to go for nightlife are around the marina and the Calle Major. Try the Zoo and Tango on Placa de Antonio Riguer or Bar Galerie and Exis on Calle de la Virgen. After 2am head to the Eivissa. They advertise their clubs from 10pm to 2pm and offer discounts on admission and drinks for the thrifty partygoer. Pacha on Perimetral and El Divino are the best, but go there early if you want to get in. Head to Privilege on Urbanizacion San Raphael in San Antonio later as this club is simply the best Ibiza has to offer. Foam parties and nakedness are big here, so too are the breasts of many of the women from Holland, Sweden, England, France and Switzerland who frequent this Spanish hotspot in the summertime. Just be careful. You don't want to have to wind up bathing in another kind of soap— the kind that you need a doctor's prescription to get! Don't neglect to check out the Spanish island of Mallorca if you have the chance. It's a lot less expensive than Ibiza, and the people here are a little more down to earth, but it's nowhere near as crazy as the island further north. The Terreno district in Mallorca rocks in the summer months from July to August. Palma is where you go to check out all the foreign, freshly tanned booty shopping for the perfect outfit to put it in. The best beaches here are Plama and Illetes. El Arenal isn't bad either, but there are way too many families.