October 25, 2021
Geez us… There are some beautiful, corn-fed, white women our here in the American heart land. Stay at the Hyatt Hotel, if you can. It's pretty and new and has a decent bar for a hotel chain. Besides-- it’s the nicest hotel in town and adjacent to downtown-- like within walking distance. Swade’s is a nice classy club—on Fridays it's Latino night and on Saturdays it'ss hip hop night.
Heroes is a huge relatively new hot spot in town. Avoid Indigo—unless you like fat, tatted up dark skinned girls with stretch marks, gold teeth and fake hair. For the complete opposite experience, check out Doc Howard’s on a Thursday night. That is whenever the University of Kansas girls are out here in force. Rock Chalk Jay Hawk, baby!
This is the preferred destination for spring break for the VERY young man - I’m talking high school students - especially around Barefoot Landing. Broadway is full of cheesy beach town stores and restaurants. It reminds me of the Jersey Shore a little bit.
For a more grown-up scene, try the Kryptonite (K Club) or the Tunnel on Friday and Saturday nights, or the Boat House early on Sundays in the summertime. The boaters and their hot wives, girlfriends, and daughters will be there late afternoon to late evening.
The best place to bring a date for an impressive dinner is Legrands - great wine list, food, and service.
There is a decent Hooters here and a few good strip clubs in this town: the Penthouse and Doll House have the hottest girls. All the same rules of hitting on strippers and the help apply here in Myrtle Beach, SC.
San Fran is not exactly the greatest place to meet women. There is no major university in the city, so the college crowd is scarce. The closest place for that is UC-Berkeley which is just outside the city. Check it out, if you are into bare-foot, tree-hugging, anti-establishment type chicks.
Try to meet the plethora of tourists who flock here at all times of the year on Market Street and Powell, the Westfield Centre Mall (which is huge), or at Fisherman’s Warf. Unfortunately, most of the best women are with their boyfriends or families, so good luck to all you PB’s out there with that one.
For the strip clubs in town, head to the Broadway Strip in North Beach, or Mission Street. Try The Hustler Club, the Gold Club, and Broadway Show Girls. Here you'll find the hottest girls in the city along with the best service.
Sutra, Impala, and Horizon are the best clubs in this area, but that's not saying much. If you are lucky enough to snag a hottie, impress her by taking her to Gallery Market on Union Square. Have the manager take you downstairs to their private stash of select wines. If you want to really wow her, take her to Napa Valley, tour the wineries during the day, and go to the Bounty Hunter come nighttime.
Damn! This place is full of lots of bougie, rich people. When you fly in on your commercial flight, check out the sea of the private jets lining the runways. It’s expensive to fly here. It’s expensive to stay here. It’s expensive to live here. It’s expensive to ski and snowboard here. It’s expensive to eat here. It’s expensive to drink here. And that’s the way the people here like to keep it - rich, white, and exclusive.
There's nothing to do during the day but hit the slopes, where if you are super lucky, you may meet some hot girl on the mountain or on the ski lift. As an alternative, you can hit up La Creperie Du Village or Ajax Tavern for lunch at the base of Aspen Mountain.
You may spot some hot cougars up here 7900 feet above sea level, where the alcohol hits them harder—vacationing with their ex-husband's money. Aspen is way too family-oriented for the typical college-aged girl. Occasionally you may run across some hot daughters of the rich, white guys and their trophy wives up here. But it’ll be tough trying to get them away from the watchful eyes of Mommy and Daddy. If you are willing, you can get contact info and follow up with the hot daughters when they are back home or back at college.
If you bring your own girl to Aspen (as I always do), take her to White House Tavern for a great meal, L’Hosteria for overpriced, average Italian food, Clark's Oyster Bar for an oceanic aphrodisiac, or Su Casa for some solid Mexican.
The nightlife here mostly consists of bars—The Red Onion, Zane's Tavern, J-Bar, and Eric’s (which is like 4 things in one—a restaurant, pool hall, a bar, and a lounge). There is one nightclub here with lots of dudes looking for the same thing you are. It’s called Escobar Aspen. It’s underground with a decent bar and a tiny dance floor.
Don't miss out on visiting Santa Barbara just north of LA. It's fun and packed with beautiful women from all over California. Santa Barbara, along with nearby Malibu, is where Baywatch was filmed, to give you an idea of what you're working with.
During the academic year, it's packed with gorgeous college girls. In the summertime, the less pretentious Californians come here on the weekends to get away from LA.
Santa Barbara is probably my favorite city in the US because it reminds me of the Basque country in Europe. There's a big university - the University of California at Santa Barbara out on La Isla Vista, which should be named La Isla de Chica Finita; a great nightlife, which centers in and around State Street; and beautiful girls. Half of the girls I saw on the campus of UCSB or out on State Street from Thursday through Saturday night turned my head. On top of all that, the beach on La Isla Vista is packed with UCSB girls when it's hot outside.
I went to a fraternity party on campus here one year and I almost didn't leave. Going to Harvard was definitely not worth missing out on fours years of this. And oh, did I mention? If you think the girls at UCSB were hot, take a walk over to Santa Barbara City College just off of Shoreline Beach by State Street. The girls who were too hot and not bright enough to get into UCSB are all here. Santa Barbara gets the best GDF score in the US!
If you love Mexican girls, this is the place for you. This is a border town with all of the problems that a border town has: crime, illegal immigrants, drug smugglers, and gunshots flying across the border from the Mexican side threatening your health and well-being. Sounds like fun doesn't it? Whatever you do in El Paso, don't be an idiot. DO NOT get convinced to visit the Mexican side of the border for any reason, unless you want to get kidnapped, killed, or worse.
Downtown El Paso is seeing a revival. It used to be a total shithole, but the old, run-down abandoned warehouses have been converted to swanky nightclubs. Brick and Mortar, Plum, and Shadow are great places to meet girls. Don't be shy and brush up on your Espanol beforehand. But take care to avoid pissing off that tattooed, heavy-set, mean-looking Mexican guy with his homies in VIP talking to his girl. You don't want to get shot heading back to your car that night. Seriously. I'm not joking.
During the day, check out the University of Texas-El Paso (UTEP) for the Y and line it up for later that evening. Besides that, don't bother trolling around looking for girls.
San Diego is an awesome city. There are tons of beautiful girls here - Playbody is constantly at the local universities recruiting girls to do pictorials for college editions. The bad news is the girls in San Diego tend to date the same guy for years, which can be incredibly frustrating (unless you're him). They don't even go out all that often and give the rest of us a chance. It's not like there's a paucity of bars and clubs, either. San Diego is just one of those places inhabited by a bunch of early-to-bed, early-to-rise kind of people - except on the weekends.
Pacific Beach and Mission Beach are the collegiate, surfer, and military hangouts. La Jolla (pronounced La Hoya, for those of you who flunked high school Spanish and don't want to make an ass out of yourself) is wealthier and boring, but beautiful. Downtown is where it's at, and therefore where you should be! The Gas Lamp District downtown is freakin' awesome. It's and just a short taxi ride from the airport. Stay at the Hard Rock Hotel or the W Hotel - that is where all the beautiful people go.
Girls at the clubs here are similar quality to the ones in LA, but way less pretentious and easily approachable. Look good and dress well down here. Most everyone is fashion conscious since Hollywood is just up the road.
Stingaree, Fleetwood, Basic, La Puerta, Side Bar, and Fluxx are some of my favorite places to meet the ladies. Not sure where to go or what's hot? Just walk up and down Market, G, and F Streets and follow the noise and you will be fine. Check out the Hooters down here. Usually, there's some pretty decent talent.
Pacific Beach, referred affectionately as "PB" by the locals is a perfect place for you to practice your game. The most action in PB is on Garnet. Two huge bars dominate the scene - PB Bar and Grill and Typhoon Saloon. Get there early or be prepared to wait in line. Fred's Mexican Cafe is next door to the Typhoon if you're looking for some decent Mexican food. Check out Bob's Dive, Sinbad Cafe (which is a hooka bar that attracts groups of hot girls), or Cabo Cantina. Tavern on the Beach and Plum Crazy usually has hot girls inside, so it might be worth your time. Society is a billiards place to chill after you have met the cutie you've been looking for. Finally, Millers Field is a cool sports bar filled with girls who are way laid back and cool.
During the day, hang out on the campus of SDSU and check out the boardwalks of Mission and Pacific Beaches after 5:00 pm when the babes come out to work out. Run, bike, or rollerblade and be bold in your approach. The boardwalk is not a place for the shy and timid, it's quite difficult to strike up a conversation with someone who's riding a bike past you! Mouse's on Mission Beach offers a nice vantage point to plan your approach.
Come nighttime on Mission Beach, check out Club Tremors on Garnet and Club Sevilla. There are usually some good-looking women out and about at these places. Be careful: a lot of the women here have military boyfriends or husbands, as there is a huge US Navy base close by. You may have your wrap rudely interrupted by a pissed-off, testosterone-filled soldier who's ready to kick your ass. You may run across a "West Pac Widow", which is a wife of a navy man who is overseas for months at a time in the South Pacific. I tend to avoid the West Pac Widows - it's bad karma to try to get with a soldier's wife.
Another good thing about San Diego is that Tijuana, Mexico is just south of here. There is some serious partying that goes on across the border. The party-goers tend to be kids from San Diego who are under the US legal drinking age and are very intent on taking advantage of the fact that in Mexico if you are old enough to walk (even if you're already drunk), you are old enough to buy alcohol. But beware - don't give money to all the little kids with dirt-smudged, adorable faces selling gum or candy. Unknowing tourists can't help but shove money at them. They make a killing. Don't believe me? Watch one of those little con artists for 15 minutes and see how much money they rake in, it's incredible.
Drunk partiers who piss off Mexican police or bar proprietors have been known to get their asses tossed in jail without trial and have to pay ridiculous bribes to city officials to get out, so be careful down here! Worse yet, if you look at all Mexican you will get a load of shit when you try to come back into the United States, I guarantee it. The border police are dumb as shit, and they like to act like badasses and mess with all the returning party-goers. Don't give them a reason to mess with you. Don't give them the satisfaction. Believe me. I speak from personal experience.
I remember the time I went to Tijuana with my buddies. Being a darkie, I was paranoid that I was going to get harassed by the border patrol when I tried to get back into the country. Sure enough, even after seeing my passport, my license, and my medical school ID, they still brought me to stand before the man, as my buddies (and my brother who looks just like me) were waved through with a nod. I was accused of trying to smuggle steroids into the country and was invasively patted down. When I protested my terrible treatment, as I was leaving the agent said "I am the US border patrol. I can go inside you if I want." Now that's a God complex. Needless to say, I was out of there in a hurry and promised myself that I had just made my last trip to Tijuana. It totally wasn't worth the danger and the hassle.